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In Some countries, University students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of living in another city?

In Some countries, University students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of living in another city? 56A7P
No one can argue that education is a valuable asset for an individual in this competitive employment world. Students who stay away from their homeland for tertiary education have numerous benefits. I think its advantages outweigh the disadvantages and supporting points will be discussed in the forthcoming paragraphs. On one hand, teenagers who tend to live in neighboring cities for higher studies have a plethora of benefits. Firstly, individuals can stay in hostels which are near college campus, this not only saves their time but also money as well for transportations. For example, a survey conducted by an Indian Forum stated that pupils who live nearby campus were more punctual in attending the classes on time and are never late. Secondly, adolescents who are away from home have faster progress in education and have high success rates in exams. To illustrate, the UK university informed that more than 65% of students staying away from their house and living on campus have more success rate than others. On the other hand, there are also few drawbacks of teenagers living away from home. Students tend to habituate bad habits from their roommates. For instance, many students were addicted to smoking and drugs because of peer pressure. Furthermore, living independently can cause overuse of money for expenses. For example, individuals living in hostels need to pay the rent every month and this could lead to financial problems for poor families. In conclusion, Students who live on campus or staying away from home for higher studies have their own pros and cons; however, they are based on the adolescents behaviour and lifestyle activities. Moreover its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
No one can argue that education is a valuable asset for an individual in this competitive employment world.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
stay
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their homeland for tertiary education have numerous benefits. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
its advantages outweigh the disadvantages and supporting points will
be discussed
in the forthcoming paragraphs.

On one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in neighboring cities for higher studies have a plethora of benefits.
Firstly
, individuals can stay in hostels which are near college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
, this not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves their time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
money
as well
for transportations.
For example
, a survey conducted by an Indian Forum stated that pupils
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
nearby
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
were more punctual in attending the classes on time and are never late.
Secondly
, adolescents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home have faster
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "progressed".
progress
in education and have high success rates in exams. To illustrate, the UK university informed that more than 65% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
have more success rate than others.

On the other hand
, there are
also
few drawbacks of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
tend to habituate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits from their roommates.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
were addicted
to smoking and drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of peer pressure.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
independently
can cause overuse of money for expenses.
For example
, individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in hostels need to pay the rent every month and this could lead to financial problems for poor families.

In conclusion
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Students
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
campus
or staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
away
from home for higher studies have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons;
however
, they
are based
on the adolescents
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
and lifestyle activities.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
its advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
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IELTS essay In Some countries, University students live away from home and in another city while studying. Do you think the advantages outweigh the disadvantages of living in another city?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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