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in some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness article are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

it is true that the rates obesity art soaring all around the world while the levels of fitness are constantly decreasing. I believe that this is a result of the busy lifestyle people have nowadays and the best way to mitigate this problem is by scheduling exercise sessions within working hours. The main reason for being overweight is the busy lifestyle most people are adopting. Most people have long working hours with the average time spent at work being between six to eight hours, this consequently means that they are only left a little time in the evening which they prefer to spend with their families practising relaxing activities rather than practicing exercise. Taking doctors in my country as an example, most of them are expected to work at least eight hours per day on a daily basis meaning that there is no time left for them to commit to a regular workout routine. However, scheduled exercise sessions in workplace will greatly improve health levels. If companies, businesses, and even hospitals spare one hour per day to incorporate workout classes, it will help their employees to have regular physical activity and change their lifestyle to a healthier one. These sessions can also include health advices from professionals to change employees eating habits. For instance, in 2019 a lot of companies in Saudi Arabia introduced a one hour exercise session into their timetable which resulted in dramatic Improvement in the level of activity and weight of their employees. In conclusion, the trend of being overweight and reduced level of activity is increasing worldwide due to the fact that most people have busy time tables, nevertheless, employers can help tackling this issue by introducing exercise sessions in workplace.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
it
is true that the
An apostrophe may be missing.
rates
obesity art soaring all around the world while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
of fitness are
constantly
decreasing. I believe that this is a result of the busy lifestyle
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have nowadays and the best way to mitigate this problem is by scheduling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
within working hours.

The main reason for being overweight is the busy lifestyle most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are adopting. Most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have long working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
with the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spent at work being
After “between”, use “and”, not “to”.
between six to eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
, this
consequently
means that they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in the evening which they prefer to spend with their families
Possible spelling mistake. ‘practising’ is British English.
practising
relaxing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
rather
than practicing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Taking doctors in my country as an example, most of them are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to work at least eight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
per day on a daily basis meaning that there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
for them to commit to a regular workout routine.

However
, scheduled
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
in workplace will
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
levels
. If
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, businesses, and even hospitals spare one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
per day to incorporate workout classes, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
their employees to have regular physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle to a healthier one. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
can
also
include health advices from professionals to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
employees eating habits.
For instance
, in 2019
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
in Saudi Arabia introduced a one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
session
into their timetable which resulted in dramatic Improvement in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
and weight of their employees.

In conclusion
, the trend of being overweight and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
level
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activity
is increasing worldwide due to the fact that most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have busy
This word is normally spelled as one.
time tables
,
nevertheless
, employers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
The verb ‘help’ is used with an infinitive: “to tackle” or “tackle”.
tackling
this issue by introducing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sessions
in workplace.
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IELTS essay in some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness article are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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