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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? b1EP
People’s health is dropping down in many nations, and this issue is related to obesity and overweight. One of the major causes is the unhealthy lifestyle and there is a very effective way to address this problem which is education. Most of the people live in a modern city which also means that they are busy at work during the day. Many of them do not go to gym or do any exercise afterward. People tend to eat late at night and sometimes they spoil themself with midnight snacks. Therefore, we are seeing more citizens with obesity and overweight problems. Moreover, many young adults are getting problems which normally seen in older populations only. For example, research shows that 25% of the patients were diagnosed with hypertension under the age of 40. This problem can be tackled with education. People usually are not aware of the issue until it becomes obvious, so educate people with the consequence of gaining too much weight. Government should have taken a part in maintaining the health of their citizens and education though the public program is the most effective way to improve people’s health. Building more public fitness centers around the neighborhood is another way to encourage people to do exercise. The health of the people is closely connected to our weight; therefore gaining too much weight will definitely put a person at risk of their health. Building facilities around the residential area, so people can have easy access to and education is the key to prevent people from getting into unhealthy lifestyles.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropping".
dropping down
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations, and this issue
is related
to obesity and overweight. One of the major causes is the unhealthy lifestyle and there is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
effective way to address this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which is education.

Most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a modern city which
also
means that they are busy at work during the day.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of them do not go to gym or do any exercise afterward.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
tend to eat late at night and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they spoil
The term is non-standard and not widely accepted.
themself
with midnight snacks.
Therefore
, we are seeing more citizens with obesity and overweight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
Moreover
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
young adults are getting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
which
normally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
in older populations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
.
For example
, research
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that 25% of the patients
were diagnosed
with hypertension under the age of 40.

This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be tackled
with education.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
usually
are not aware of the issue until it becomes obvious,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with the consequence of gaining too much weight.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should have taken a part in maintaining the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of their citizens and education though the public program is the most effective way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Building more public fitness centers around the neighborhood is another way to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do exercise.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is
closely
connected to our weight;
therefore
gaining too much weight will definitely put a person at
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Building facilities around the residential area,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can have easy access to and education is the key to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from getting into unhealthy lifestyles.
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
259 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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