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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing .What do u think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do u think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience B9Ej
A lot of people in many countries live an unhealthy lifestyle as well as gain so much weight. These problems are majorly caused by the invention of new technology and most especially lack of exercise. Firstly, the main reason for the weight gain and reduced healthy lifestyle in a lot of people is the introduction of new technologies such as electric scooters, food delivery applications on mobile etc. Despite being such a great development, these new inventions have made a lot of people very lazy in there day to day activities. People of nowadays will rather use an electric scooter for a walkable distance, which make the calories that are suppose to be burnt off still remain in their body. This will eventually lead to a reduction in fitness level. Secondly, lack of regular exercise contributes to the increase in weight gain in a number of people. When the body is less stressed, it gathers so much fat that increase the body weight and could also be the reason for a number of diseases such as obesity etc. However, these problems can be prevented if people would sometimes ignore getting things online especially food. It is much healthier to cook healthy meals at home at least once in a week. These foods can be kept safe in the freezer and also reheated to be eaten at a later time instead of ordering junk foods online. Another solution that can help prevent an unhealthy lifestyle is for people to make sure that they exercise everyday for at least 15min. it could be a walk through the park, slight jug for a short distance and may be to register at a nearby gym. In conclusion, even though so many people gain weight which in turns decrease their fitness level and health, it is also important for them to consider walking short distances and also get involved in regular exercise.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
A lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
an unhealthy lifestyle
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
. These problems are
majorly
caused by the invention of new technology and most
especially
lack of exercise.

Firstly
, the main reason for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
healthy lifestyle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is the introduction of new technologies such as electric scooters,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
delivery applications on mobile etc. Despite being such a great development, these new inventions have made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
lazy in there
It appears that two hyphens are missing.
day to day
activities.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
of nowadays will
rather
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
an electric scooter for a walkable distance, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the calories that are
Probably you should use a past participle here: "supposed".
suppose
to
be burnt
off
still
remain in their body. This will
eventually
lead to a reduction in fitness level.
Secondly
, lack of regular exercise contributes to the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
in a number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. When the body is less
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stressed
, it gathers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
that increase the body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
and could
also
be the reason for a number of diseases such as obesity etc.

However
, these problems can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevented
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
getting things online
especially
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. It is much healthier to cook healthy meals at home at least once in a week. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
kept
safe in the freezer and
also
reheated to
be eaten
at a later time
instead
of ordering junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
online. Another solution that can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
an unhealthy lifestyle is for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
sure that they exercise
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
for at least 15min.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
it
could be a walk through the park, slight jug for a short distance and may be to register at a nearby gym.

In conclusion
,
even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
gain
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
which in turns decrease their fitness level and health, it is
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them to consider walking short distances and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in regular exercise.
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do u think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
317 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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