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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their health level and fitness are decreasing.what do you think are the cause of these problem and what measures could be taken to solve them.

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their health level and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problem and what measures could be taken to solve them. E1xQ
In this new fang land era, excessive consumption of fast food is leading the health of people to deterioration. In some countries people do not put attention on their health. Consequently, their weight is increasing and their health is decreasing at an alarming rate. I think there are are ample off reasons but also some solution to solve this problem which, I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs. On the one hand, there are Paramount reason why the weight of people is increasing. firstly, these days many people are more materialistic. As, they do maximum time work to earn money but do not put attention on their health. In addition, in daily life people eat variety of food like junk food. Consequently, that type of food has detrimental effect on people health. Secondly, due to technical era, every people work on technical gizmos such as computer. people do there work always sitting then there are a lot of diseases like obesity. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it was mentioned that 80% of individuals prefer to eat different meal without put attention on their health. On the other hand, there are myriad of solution to keep fit health and loss the weight. First of all, if people manage their time due to make time table. As, they do exercise in their daily life like, yoga then ultimately, their health become more good and fit. Second of all, people more prefer to eat healthy food. such as, vegetables, fruits, these type of foods are necessary for every people life because they gain protein, minerals, also vitamins. if people avoid junk food then definitely the average weight of individuals would decrease. To illustrate, in research it was mentioned that the famous author that that health is wealth this means if health is good then people easily do any work. To sum up, it can be deduced that although earning money is mandatory for everyone life on the contrary I personally believe that if health is not good then individual do not do work because there are various negative aspects that cannot be overlooked.
In this new fang land era, excessive consumption of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
is leading the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to deterioration. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not put attention on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Consequently
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
is increasing and their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is decreasing at an alarming rate. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
there
Possible typo: you repeated a word
are are
ample off reasons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution to solve this problem which, I have discussed in the subsequent paragraphs.

On the one hand, there are Paramount reason why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is increasing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
firstly
, these days
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are more materialistic. As, they do maximum time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to earn money
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
do not put attention on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
In addition
, in daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
eat variety of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
like junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
Consequently
, that type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
has detrimental effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
Secondly
, due to technical era, every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
on technical gizmos such as computer.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
people
do there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
always sitting then there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
diseases like obesity. To exemplify, in a leading newspaper it
was mentioned
that 80% of individuals prefer to eat
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
meal without put attention on their health.

On the other hand
, there are myriad of solution to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
fit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and loss the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
manage their time due to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time table. As, they do exercise in their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
like, yoga then
ultimately
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
become more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
and fit. Second of all,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
more prefer to eat healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
such
as, vegetables, fruits, these type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are necessary for every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they gain protein, minerals,
also
vitamins.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
avoid junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
then definitely the average
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
weight
of individuals would decrease. To illustrate, in research it
was mentioned
that the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
author that that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is wealth this means if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
easily
do any work.

To sum up, it can
be deduced
that although earning money is mandatory for everyone
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
on the contrary
I
personally
believe that if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
then individual do not do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are various
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects that cannot
be overlooked
.
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing and their health level and fitness are decreasing. what do you think are the cause of these problem and what measures could be taken to solve them.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
351 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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