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In some countries the average weight of people is increasing

In some countries the average weight of people is increasing 06mQn
Nowadays in many countries around the world has been increasing in obesity and high cholesterol level for many people. Various reason som ar negatively affected this problem and help in rapidly increasing in many diseases like diabetesThere ar several cause of this situation. The main one is the busy livet som many people have and many work outdoors many hours so they tend to buy a fast food which is fat high level. Moreover people tend to use lift and car instead of walk or go upstairs. Additionally lives needs become more and that lead to more stress and more needed to hard work for earn more money. Various possible courses of action could be taken to avoid or decreasing this problem. First of all we need to educate the new generation about important of be healthy and what is healthy means exact. We need to spread concept of health for all people, animals and environments. Government have a big role. In conclusion,
Nowadays in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries around the world has been increasing in obesity and high cholesterol level for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Various reason
Possible spelling mistake found.
som ar
negatively
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
this problem and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in
rapidly
increasing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
diseases like
Possible spelling mistake found.
diabetesThere
Possible spelling mistake found.
ar
Possible agreement error. The noun cause seems to be countable; consider using: "several causes".
several cause
of this situation. The main one is the busy
Possible spelling mistake found.
livet
Possible spelling mistake found.
som
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
work outdoors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
hours
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
high level.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Moreover
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
lift and car
instead
of walk or go upstairs.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Additionally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
needs become more and that lead to more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and more needed to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
work for earn more money. Various possible courses of action could
be taken
to avoid or decreasing this problem.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
we need to educate the new generation about
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of be healthy and what is healthy means exact. We need to spread concept of health for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, animals and environments.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
Consider using third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "has".
have
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
role.
In conclusion
,
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IELTS essay In some countries the average weight of people is increasing

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
163 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
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  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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