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In some countries, Students must pay their own college and university fees while in others government pays. Do the advantages of using government money for college and university fee outweigh the disadvantage?

In some countries, Students must pay their own college and university fees while in others government pays. Do the advantages of using government money for college and university fee outweigh the disadvantage? KGbNN
It is true in recent years, there has been a considerable advancement in education that in some nations, it is paid by authorities while in others individuals often pay their tution fee by themselves. I think drawbacks are more than benefit. The main benefit of government paid education is that, It provides equal oppurtunity for all people from any background that is poor and rich. There is more competition among the individuals. If poor people get chance to read and write there will be no poverty which leads to more economies growth in the country. similarly, There will be no discrimination among rich and poor in the society or community. The first drawbacks is that, Quality of education goes down. People did not value education because majority of the population secure higher marks in college or university due to free education. For instance, In many nations there is no value of education untill 10 grade. This is because authorities implement the law that everybody get passed if they appear exam. so, the respect of education goes low. The another drawbacks is that, If authorities will invest all the money in college education there would be no fund for developmental works such as insfrastructural and other health facilities. Furthermore, People might suffer from different disease because there is no money to buy medicines and new machines in hospital and health care centers resulting loss of many lives. In conclusin, i would like to reiterate that while free education has some positive sides, I believe drawbacks are far more.
It is true in recent years, there has been a considerable advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations, it
is paid
by authorities while in others individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
pay their
Possible spelling mistake found.
tution
fee by themselves. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
are more than benefit.

The main benefit of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
is that, It provides equal
Possible spelling mistake found.
oppurtunity
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from any background
that is
poor and rich. There is more competition among the individuals. If poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
chance to read and write there will be no poverty which leads to more
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "economies'" or "economy's"?
economies
growth in the country.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
similarly
, There will be no discrimination among rich and poor in the society or community.

The
first
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
is that, Quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
goes down.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
did not value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
It seems that an article is missing.
majority of
the population secure higher marks in college or university due to free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
.
For instance
, In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations there is no value of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
Possible spelling mistake found.
untill
10 grade. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
authorities implement the law that everybody
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
Did you mean "past"?
passed
if they appear exam.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
so
, the respect of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
goes low.

The another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
is that, If authorities will invest all the money in college
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
there would be no fund for developmental works such as
Possible spelling mistake found.
insfrastructural
and other health facilities.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
might suffer from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
disease
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no money to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
medicines and new machines in hospital and health care centers resulting loss of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

In
Possible spelling mistake found.
conclusin
,
Did you mean "I"?
i
would like to reiterate that while free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
sides, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
are far more.
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IELTS essay In some countries, Students must pay their own college and university fees while in others government pays. Do the advantages of using government money for college and university fee outweigh the disadvantage?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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