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In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit, while some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view

In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit, while some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view PVEEd
In the modern scanario, the rate of unemployment has been increased tremendously. In the number of nations, aspirants who are not capable to earn money, government furnish financial aid to them; however; other opponents claim that government would not cater money to them. I will discuss both sides of view points and my personal opinion. Multifarious view points are considered with this approach why financial aid is essential for multitudes who can not earn, predominantly view point is to complete needs, living without a job has been difficult. When the government furnish money to individuals who suffer from, either shortage of food or other fundamental facilities, this can helful for them as well as, they would spend their better life style. For instance, authorities of foreign countries cater aid to needy natives who are suffering from problems. Additionally, the other stand point is multitudes who are, weather handicapted or mentely disturbed government should furnish help to them, so they can attain better opportunity to relate best medical facilities which is lucrative for masses, as they would spend best life. On the other hand, most of aspirants are considered that no money invest for needy individuals, if authority render money then individuals select wrong path as well as they do anti social activities which can be made to them criminals, and they invest money on drugs or alcohol which is provided by government, and they can face health injuries. Besides, the other stand point is masses should be depended because they do not try to do work in their life for achieving success and complete their needs owing to this they can letargic along with they try to choose short ways in life. In my point of view, government should not proffer money to individuals because when the authority distribute money to them they do not realise important of money as well as discourage to try hardwork. To conclude, although number of multitudes face problem of money, government should not cater aid to them because they might use for taking drugs or alcohol.
In the modern
Possible spelling mistake found.
scanario
, the rate of unemployment has
been increased
tremendously
. In the number of nations, aspirants
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not capable to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
furnish financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to them;
however
;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
opponents claim that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
would not cater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them. I will discuss both sides of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
and my personal opinion.

Multifarious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
points
are considered
with this approach why financial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
is essential for multitudes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
can not earn,
predominantly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is to complete needs, living without a job has been difficult. When the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
furnish
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
suffer from, either shortage of food or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
fundamental facilities, this can
Possible spelling mistake found.
helful
for them
as well
as, they would spend their better life style.
For instance
, authorities of foreign countries cater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to needy natives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are suffering from problems.
Additionally
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
stand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is multitudes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are, weather
Possible spelling mistake found.
handicapted
or
Possible spelling mistake found.
mentely
disturbed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should furnish
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can attain better opportunity to
A determiner is probably missing here: "relate the best".
relate best
medical facilities which is lucrative for masses, as they would
A determiner is probably missing here: "spend the best".
spend best
life.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand,
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the aspirants") or simply say "most aspirants".
most of aspirants
are considered
that no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
invest for needy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, if authority render
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
then
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
select
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
path
as well
as they do
It appears that a hyphen is missing.
anti social
activities which can
be made
to them criminals, and they invest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on drugs or alcohol which
is provided
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, and they can face health injuries.
Besides
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
stand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
is masses should be
The verb 'to depend' requires the preposition '(up)on': "depended on".
depended
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not try to do work in their life for achieving success and complete their needs owing to this they can
Possible spelling mistake found.
letargic
along with they try to choose short ways in life.

In my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
point
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
view
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not proffer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
when the authority distribute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to them they do not
Possible spelling mistake. 'realise' is British English.
realise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
as well
as discourage to try
Possible spelling mistake found.
hardwork
.

To conclude
, although number of multitudes face problem of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should not cater
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
aid
to them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
for taking drugs or alcohol.
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IELTS essay In some countries, people who are unemployed receive a sum of money each week in the form of a benefit, while some support this, other people believe that this money should not be given. Discuss both points of view and give your own point of view

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
342 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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