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In some countries, people encourage students to find part-time jobs while some people don't. Discuss both sides and give your opinion.

In some countries, people encourage students to find part-time jobs while some people don't. wnreq
In the modern times, the pupils have been motivated to do some work along with their studies. Some people support students for part-time jobs while others don’t. In my opinion, there are benefits of doing the part- time work. In the forthcoming paragraph I will discuss the views and explain my point with valid reasons. On one hand, there are many advantages of part time jobs. By this I mean that the students, who are doing work along with their education, can support their parents financially. In addition to this, they can be independent in their early times. Apart from this, in many countries, education is very costly. Not every parent can afford it, so in this case the part time job can be a life savior for the students as well as to the parents. On the other hand, there are some disadvantages also. As the part time work can be a burden to the student. Moreover, this will adversely affect their studies. Because at the time when students have to do their home task, they have to go to work to support their family. Conclusively, it can be a burden to the pupils at very early age, and sometimes the growth is highly affected and sometime it is a cause of depression in teenagers. Although there are many pros of part time work, its disadvantages cannot be ignored. To wrap up I think that apart from all the negative consequences, the above statement has always help students to achieve their goals.
In the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, the pupils have
been motivated
to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
along with their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
support
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
for part-time jobs while others don’t. In my opinion, there are benefits of doing the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part-
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. In the forthcoming paragraph I will discuss the views and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my point with valid reasons.

On one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
advantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
jobs. By this I mean that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
, who are doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
along with their education, can support their parents
financially
.
In addition
to this, they can be independent in their early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
. Apart from this, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries, education is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
costly. Not every parent can afford it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
in this case
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
job can be a life savior for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
as well
as to the parents.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages
also
.
“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
can be a burden to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
.
Moreover
, this will
adversely
affect their studies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do their home task, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
to support their family.
Conclusively
, it can be a burden to the pupils at
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early age, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
the growth is
highly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
and sometime it is a cause of depression in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

Although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
pros of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
part
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, its disadvantages cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

To wrap up I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that apart from all the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences, the above statement has always
Possible agreement error -- use past participle here: "helped".
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to achieve their goals.
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IELTS essay In some countries, people encourage students to find part-time jobs while some people don't.

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
253 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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