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In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. What effects can be seen as a result?

In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. What effects can be seen as a result? k5KWR
It is true that an increasing number of children are required to spend a significant amount of time studying, leaving them with less time to relax. This, in my opinion, has adverse consequences for children, such as a lack of employability skills and mental health issues. Firstly, the primary disadvantage of this tendency is the lack of practical skills that students may require while entering the workforce. More specifically, if undergraduate are occupied by long study hours, they will have less time for extracurricular activities, which are ideal for developing soft skills such as interpersonal skills and multitasking. These are what managers seek in their job candidates and graduates lacking they would have less chance to be employed. Secondly, if juveniles are forced to study all the time without taking breaks, they are likely to develop psychological problems. More specifically, having to learn an enormous amount of information in such a short period of time would cause students to feel overburdened, stressed, and possibly depressed. As a result, the decreased level of happiness is likely to lead to dissatisfaction with students' surroundings and anti-social behavior, which may harm the community in which they live. According to one study, most malleable children who are forced to study nonstop in order to achieve good academic results will act aggressively towards their family and teachers at some point. In conclusion, excessive study time combined with limited leisure time would reduce children's productivity and have a negative impact on their mental health. As a result, I believe that this trend has negative consequences for both individuals and communities.
It is true that an increasing number of children
are required
to spend a significant amount of
time
studying, leaving them with less
time
to relax. This, in my opinion, has adverse consequences for children, such as a lack of employability
skills
and mental health issues.

Firstly
, the primary disadvantage of this tendency is the lack of practical
skills
that students may require while entering the workforce. More
specifically
, if undergraduate
are occupied
by long
study
hours, they will have less
time
for extracurricular activities, which are ideal for developing soft
skills
such as interpersonal
skills
and multitasking. These are what managers seek in their job candidates and graduates lacking they would have less chance to
be employed
.

Secondly
, if juveniles
are forced
to
study
all the
time
without taking breaks, they are likely to develop psychological problems. More
specifically
, having to learn an enormous amount of information in such a short period of
time
would cause students to feel overburdened,
stressed
, and
possibly
depressed.
As a result
, the decreased level of happiness is likely to lead to dissatisfaction with students' surroundings and anti-social behavior, which may harm the community in which they
live
. According to one
study
, most malleable children who
are forced
to
study
nonstop in order to achieve
good
academic results will act
aggressively
towards their family and teachers at
some
point.

In conclusion
, excessive
study
time
combined with limited leisure
time
would
reduce
children's productivity and have a
negative
impact on their mental health.
As a result
, I believe that this trend has
negative
consequences for both individuals and communities.
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IELTS essay In some countries, parents expect children to spend long time studying both in and after school, and have less free time. What effects can be seen as a result?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
264 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
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    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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