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in some countries owning a home rather than renting

in some countries owning a home rather than renting NMVay
It is true that owing a house is more preferable to renting one in some places in the world. There are some reasons for this and it seems to me that is a positive development. The source of this demand is the a need for a comfortable accommodation without paying money every month. An individual who does not own their own home must pay rent to a landlord. Not many people can afford to pay those money daily. A person owns their own home could able to spend money to personal needs freely than others who having trouble with money. Moreover, renting a house makes people stress and hang over them, it is necessary to be employed maintaining a job with a steady salary and balancing their life. They have to pay for household appliances in motel room to the landlord when they are broken. If we are homeowner, it is absolutely proud of it. Though there are several positive advantages, there are some restrictions. To begin with, buying a house has put pressure on individuals. As a result, they have to repay their loan for several decades when owning a house, which leads to more pressure on people who borrow money from banks. Secondly, individuals could spend more money every month than renting a house. For example, people who own their houses could pay several kinds of taxes, insurance fees or excessive self-needs. Furthermore, owners feel onerous though these thing increasing gradually. To sum up, owning a house is a best way for individuals to spend their life comfortably, safely and privately. Getting a house will be the motivation for people to working hard to achieve their purpose.
It is true that owing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is more preferable to renting one in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
places in the world. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons for this and it seems to me
that is
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development.

The source of this demand is
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "a" is left.
the a
need for
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "comfortable accommodation".
a comfortable accommodation
without paying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every month. An
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
rent to a landlord. Not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can afford to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
daily. A person
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
owns
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
home
Did you mean "could be able"?
could able
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to personal needs
Use "(freely)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
freely
than others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
having trouble with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
Moreover
, renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
and hang over them, it is necessary to
be employed
maintaining a job with a steady salary and balancing their life. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
for household appliances in motel room to the landlord when they
are broken
. If we are homeowner, it is
absolutely
proud of it.

Though there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
advantages, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
restrictions. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, buying a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
has put pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
.
As a result
, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
repay their loan for several decades when owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, which leads to more pressure on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
borrow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
from banks.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
could spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
every month than renting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
could
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pay
several kinds of taxes, insurance fees or excessive self-needs.
Furthermore
, owners feel onerous though
Did you mean "this thing" or "these things"?
these thing
increasing
gradually
.

To sum up, owning a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
is
Use "the" with the superlative.
a
best way for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to spend their life
comfortably
,
safely
and
privately
. Getting a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
will be the motivation for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to achieve their purpose.
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IELTS essay in some countries owning a home rather than renting

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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