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In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past.Do you think this is a positive or negative development ?

In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development? yyxJ
In a modernized society, staying alone can be considered as complete freedom over one’s life. Nowadays, many people are adopting the solitary lifestyle in some countries and I believe this is detrimental to their existence. This essay will discuss the negative impacts of this trend. One obvious downside to this development is that people living alone are more prone to depression due to loneliness. Consequently, this can lead to substance abuse such as the use of alcohol and other recreational drugs. Therefore, this can result to drug dependency problems such as addiction which can have an adverse effect on the mental well-being of an individual. For instance, adults living alone are prone to abuse drugs instead of seeking help from friends when faced with difficult situations or life challenges. Hence, this behaviour is often as a result of their secluded lifestyle since they have no one to discourage them. In addition to the point highlighted above, living alone can be hazardous for people who have acute medical conditions such as asthma. These people are prone to an asthma attack once exposed to stressors that might trigger the condition and this can lead to an emergency situation, because they live alone they might not get medical help in a timely manner. For example, a research carried out in 1999 by American Medical Association in California found out that more than 80% of asthmatic patients who lived alone died of suffocation in their homes due to late medical intervention. To conclude, staying alone is not beneficial to the human race as we are created to embrace collectivist culture and co-exists with one another. Even though some opt to live on their own as way to enjoy complete privacy, this however comes with negative consequences as discussed in this essay.
In a modernized society, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can
be considered
as complete freedom over one’s life. Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are adopting the solitary lifestyle in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries and I believe this is detrimental to their existence. This essay will discuss the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of this trend.

One obvious downside to this development is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
are more prone to depression due to loneliness.
Consequently
, this can lead to substance abuse such as the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of alcohol and other recreational drugs.
Therefore
, this can result to drug dependency problems such as addiction which can have an adverse effect on the mental well-being of an individual.
For instance
, adults living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
are prone to abuse drugs
instead
of seeking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from friends when faced with difficult situations or life challenges.
Hence
, this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
as a result
of their secluded lifestyle since they have no one to discourage them.

In addition
to the point highlighted above, living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
can be hazardous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have acute
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
conditions such as asthma. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are prone to an asthma attack once exposed to stressors that might trigger the condition and this can lead to an emergency situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
they might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in a timely manner.
For example
,
Uncountable nouns are usually not used with an indefinite article. Use simply "research".
a research
carried out in 1999 by American
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Medical
Association in California found out that more than 80% of asthmatic patients who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
died
of suffocation in their homes due to late
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
medical
intervention.

To conclude
, staying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
is not beneficial to the human race as we
are created
to embrace collectivist culture and co-exists with one another.
Even though
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opt to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
on their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
as way to enjoy complete privacy, this
however
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences as discussed in this essay.
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IELTS essay In some countries, many more people are choosing to live alone nowadays than in the past. Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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