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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views? lj8EJ
The issue of the age for children to start school is a controversial one. Some people hold the view that the perfect time is at four, whereas other believe at seven. Both sides of the argument must be carefully considered before a balanced opinion can be reached. On the one hand, a lot beliefs that the youngest the better. When you are young, your brain react like a sponge, which is perfect thus, can learn everything that parents and teachers teach them. For example, the bilingual children they can speak both languages of their parents, on a very early year. Moreover, at four you want to meet other children on your age to play, so school is the perfect place, cause at the break they can play at the playground all together. Also, in most of the families both parent are working so, is preferred to go to the school with the other coeval than to stay with a stranger just at home. On the other side of the coin, some countries have the opinion that four is too soon and the best time is at seven. The only thing that children needs are to play. As a consequence, they should stay at home to play with their siblings or their parents. Is the period where a person mould their character, so if they spend a lot of time with their family, as they are growing they will remember that in their memory. Furthermore, at seven brain is more prepared to understand things, for this is the age that can read. To sum up, talking all the above into consideration, it is obvious that at seven is the suitable time for the children to start the school.
The issue of the age for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is a controversial one.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
hold the view that the perfect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is at four, whereas
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
believe at seven. Both sides of the argument
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
carefully
considered
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
a balanced opinion can
be reached
.

On the one hand,
If you mean a great quantity, use "a lot of beliefs"?
a lot beliefs
that the youngest the better. When you are young, your brain react like a sponge, which is perfect
thus
, can learn everything that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers teach them.
For example
, the bilingual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
they can speak both languages of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, on a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
early year.
Moreover
, at four you want to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
on your age to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
is the perfect place, cause at the break they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
at the playground all together.
Also
, in most of the families both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
are working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
,
is preferred
to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
coeval than to stay with a stranger
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
at home.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
side of the coin,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries have the opinion that four is too
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
and the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
is at seven. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
needs are to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
. As a consequence, they should stay at home to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
play
with their siblings or their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
. Is the period where a person
Possible spelling mistake. 'mould' is British English.
mould
their character,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their family, as they are growing they will remember that in their memory.
Furthermore
, at seven brain is more prepared to understand things, for this is the age that can read.

To sum up, talking all the above into consideration, it is obvious that at seven is the suitable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
.
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IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
287 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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