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Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning Park Land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing.

Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning Park Land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing. BJme9
It undeniable that people nowadays move to big cities. It is due to enormous population and also job opportunities. In this essay I will illustrate why it is not appropriate decision to make park as residential land. Park is a essential for human life. First and foremost, picnic spots are great for relaxation and recreational activities. Nowadays people are always busy with their work and therefore they need few place to reluxe and take some rest. For example, when employers work hard whole day then they need some fresh air what Could be better than a park. Secondly, there are vast majority person who has retired from their daily work, and free places is the main area where they go and spend their time. Furthermore, childrens often require free space where they can play with their peers group. What is more that park is a vital for maintain ecosystems because big cities are face various problems such as traffic, and pollution so with out green areas it would be impossible for taking breath in cities. In contrast, it is essential for governments to make accommodation for vast majority of people who work in the city centre but they can build house outside city, and arrange suitable transport for workers which will help employers to work in the city with out difficulties. To recapitulate, although it is nessessary for government make space for people but I think it is unrealistic and destructive make park as a residential area, and therefore they can take some other steps which will help local public, and also do not destroy park.
It seems that a verb is missing after "It". Please verify.
It
undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
. It is due to enormous population and
also
job opportunities. In this essay I will illustrate why it is not appropriate decision to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
as residential land.

Park is
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
essential for human life.
First
and foremost, picnic spots are great for relaxation and recreational activities. Nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are always busy with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and
therefore
they need few place to
Possible spelling mistake found.
reluxe
and take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
rest.
For example
, when employers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
whole day then they need
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
fresh air what Could be better than a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.
Secondly
, there are vast majority
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "people", "persons"?
person
who has retired from their daily
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, and free places is the main area where they go and spend their time.
Furthermore
, childrens
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
require free space where they can play with their peers group.
What is more
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
is a vital for maintain ecosystems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are face various problems such as traffic, and pollution
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This word is usually written together. Did you mean "without"?
with out
green areas it would be impossible for taking breath in cities.

In contrast
, it is essential for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
accommodation for
It seems that an article is missing.
vast majority of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the city centre
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
they can build
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
outside city, and arrange suitable transport for workers which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
employers to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
in the city
This word is usually written together. Did you mean "without"?
with out
difficulties.

To recapitulate, although it is
Possible spelling mistake found.
nessessary
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
space for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is unrealistic and destructive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
as a residential area, and
therefore
they can take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other steps which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
local public, and
also
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
park
.

IELTS essay Many major cities are facing a housing crisis as they cannot provide enough land for new buildings. Some local governments believe the problem could be solved by reassigning Park Land for residential development, because this land would be better used for housing.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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