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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

In my opinion, i agree that in a well developed country such as Indonesian local government should have a regulation when the kids have a part in education level at four year old, such as kiddy grade start from four years old to six years old, elementary school start from seven years old to twelve years old. Start from Elementary school the government responsibility to cover all the fees. How ever, i believe it should not be all community want to school at the gouverment facility. To illustrate, is lovely to see the kids are playing and grow up than the don't have any activity at home. In contrast whether the individual is a citizen of another country. Futhermore a similar system' the described about would greatly adventage the respective family.
In my opinion,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that in a well
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
such as Indonesian local
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should have a regulation when the kids have a part in education level at four
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
year
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, such as kiddy grade
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from four years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to six years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
, elementary school
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
from seven years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
to twelve years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
old
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Start
from Elementary school the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
responsibility to cover all the fees.
Did you mean “however”?
How ever
,
Is this the personal pronoun “I”? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe it should not be all community want to school at the
Possible spelling mistake found.
gouverment
facility.

To illustrate, is lovely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the kids are playing and grow up than
Did you mean “they” or “that”?
the
don't have any activity at home.

In
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
contrast
whether the individual is a citizen of another country.

Possible spelling mistake found.
Futhermore
a similar system' the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
about would
greatly
Possible spelling mistake found.
adventage
the respective family.
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IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
131 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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