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In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

A major concern all family come across, one day or another, is putting their children to school as early as possible. While some countries offer to enroll children at the minimum of 4 years old, others prefer to wait until they are grown up to be seven or eight years old. Even though every countries have their own laws or perspective on education initiation, I believe that the children should begin their formal education by age four for the following reason highlighted and explained in the essay below. Firstly, it is scientifically proven by a team of Harvard professors who conducted successful experiment on young children and established that they have a far broader capacity of picking up and consuming information if compared to their older siblings. Therefore, beginning their education early will, consequently, bring out two benefit, i. e. strengthened cognition and analytical ability, and habit formation of reading books will start at a very early age. So the countries who recognize and utilize their young gift of learning will benefit tremendously. Secondly, the educational paradigm has significantly changed, and has become more challenging and strenuous in relation to its past. Now the participant in their quest for knowledge have to compete and undergo lengthy, extensive coursework to qualify for the examination or scholarships. So initiating the educational studies is the only predictable solution come up with the educational bodies. Ivy League Schools being the prime illustration of this development, supports and admit student at a young age and start to built up for the educational challenges. Coming to the conclusion, I would still consider the young upcoming generation to start school as early as possible to become more habitual in their studies and more prone to handle the challenges the world throws towards them. the countries who recognize the infant innate ability will surely benefit in the end.
A major concern all family
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across, one day or another, is putting their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to school as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
offer to enroll
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the minimum of 4 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
, others prefer to wait until they
are grown
up to be seven or eight years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
.
Even though
every
The noun should probably be in the singular form: “country”?
countries
have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
laws or perspective on education initiation, I believe that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
their formal education by age four for the following reason highlighted and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explained
in the essay below.

Firstly
, it is
scientifically
proven by a team of Harvard professors who conducted successful experiment on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and established that they have a far broader capacity of picking up and consuming information if compared to their older siblings.
Therefore
, beginning their education
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
will,
consequently
, bring out two benefit,
There should be no space here: “i.e.”.
i. e.
strengthened cognition and analytical ability, and habit formation of reading books will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
age.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who recognize and utilize their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
gift of learning will benefit
tremendously
.

Secondly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
paradigm has
significantly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
, and has become more challenging and strenuous in relation to its past.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
the participant in their quest for knowledge
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
compete and undergo lengthy, extensive coursework to qualify for the examination or scholarships.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
initiating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
studies is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
predictable solution
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
bodies. Ivy League Schools being the prime illustration of this development, supports and admit student at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
age and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to built up for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educational
challenges.

Coming to the conclusion, I would
still
consider the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
upcoming generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
school as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
as possible to become more habitual in their studies and more prone to handle the challenges the world throws towards them.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter.
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
who recognize the infant innate ability will
surely
benefit in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.
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IELTS essay In some countries it is thought advisable that children begin formal education at four years old, while in others they do not have to start school until they are seven or eight. How far do you agree with either of these views?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
310 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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