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In some countries, it is difficult for family members and friends to spend enough time with elderly people to look after them. What do you think the cause of the problem? What can we do for the problem?

In some countries, it is difficult for family members and friends to spend enough time with elderly people to look after them. What do you think the cause of the problem? What can we do for the problem? 0AE3q
Thanks to the aging society, some problems occur nowadays. Spending enough time with seniors to take care of them is challenging for family members and friends. This essay explores the reasons for this phenomenon and actions that our society can take to mitigate these issues. There are several reasons why it is hard for family and friends to have sufficient time with elderly people to take care of them. The obvious reason is that the proportion of nuclear family increases. This is because young generation tend to move to cities in order to enroll school and find jobs. As a result, it takes a time to visit seniors. Another reason is women’s social participation. Unlike five decade ago, most women have work now, therefore, they can see elderly people only when they do not have work. In order to tackle these problems, various measures can be taken. Firstly, government should establish nursing facilities in the cities. Consequently, family member who live in major cities can access easily, which allow them to visit and look after elderly people. Secondly, government should introduce a law in terms of family care leave and all company should accept employee can apply it as their rights. When people can use this system, family members and friends can have more time spending with their seniors. In conclusion, the problem that family members and friends cannot have enough time to spend time with their elderly people to take care of them comes from various reasons, but government can take steps to solve these issues.
Thanks to the aging society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems occur nowadays. Spending
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with seniors to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them is challenging for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
. This essay explores the
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reasons
for this phenomenon and actions that our society can take to mitigate these issues.

There are several
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reasons
why it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for
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family
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
to have sufficient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them. The obvious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that the proportion of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
increases. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young generation tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to cities in order to enroll school and find jobs.
As a result
, it takes a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to visit seniors. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is women’s social participation. Unlike five
Possible agreement error. The noun 'decade' seems to be countable, so consider using: "decades".
decade
ago, most women have work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
,
therefore
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
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elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
when they do not have work.

In order to tackle these problems, various measures can
be taken
.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should establish nursing facilities in the cities.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
member
who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in major cities can access
easily
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to visit and look after
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Secondly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should introduce a law in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
and all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
should accept employee can apply it as their rights. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this system,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
can have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
spending with their seniors.

In conclusion
, the problem that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
cannot have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
can take steps to solve these issues.
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IELTS essay In some countries, it is difficult for family members and friends to spend enough time with elderly people to look after them. What do you think the cause of the problem? What can we do for the problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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