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In some countries it is compulsory for all young people to join the armed forces sometime. what are the benefits of young people to serve the army. Does participation in community work quality as an alternative.?

In some countries it is compulsory for all young people to join the armed forces sometime. what are the benefits of young people to serve the army. Does participation in community work quality as an alternative. ? gWLmg
It is considered that in major part of countries it is essential for the young people to recruit army force durning last one year. Some people think what are the benefits of young people to serve the army. However, other argues that contribution to society work quality as an alternative. This essay will intend to discuss both perspectives in the forthcoming paragraphs. I personally agree with the given notion. Commencing with the statement why it is crucial for young individuals is that it carries lots of advantages for them to boost their energy. What is more, young people enjoy better health as well as food. Moving further, by working in a army youth get the chance to develop soft skills. To elaborate it, they learn how to help each other in a team. Apart from this, not only they learn time management but also adopt the sense of discipline. For instance, it is generally seen that many employees of army live in a group. Furthermore, the quality of serving the community is proven to useful for some extent. But i
It
is considered
that in major part of countries it is essential for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to recruit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
force
Possible spelling mistake found.
durning
last one year.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
what are the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to serve the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
.
However
, other argues that contribution to society work quality as an alternative. This essay will intend to discuss both perspectives in the forthcoming paragraphs. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
notion. Commencing with the statement why it is crucial for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
individuals is that it carries lots of advantages for them to boost their energy.
What is more
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
enjoy better health
as well
as food. Moving
further
, by working in
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
the chance to develop soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To elaborate it, they learn how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
each other in a team. Apart from this, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
they learn time management
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
adopt the sense of discipline.
For instance
, it is
generally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
army
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a group.
Furthermore
, the quality of serving the community
is proven
to useful for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
i
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IELTS essay In some countries it is compulsory for all young people to join the armed forces sometime. what are the benefits of young people to serve the army. Does participation in community work quality as an alternative. ?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
179 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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