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In some countries it is common for students as young as 15 to get a part time job while they go to school. However, some parents would rather their children focus entirely on their studies.

In some countries it is common for students as young as 15 to get a part time job while they go to school. However, some parents would rather their children focus entirely on their studies. leMV1
Nowadays most students go to school but also work part-time, but some parents think opposite about this and they prefer students to focus on their educations. I believe, some students in some countrys have to deal both of them. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument. For example: If a student has a bad conditions in his life whatever he or she has to help his family with working part time. This example is a really sad example for a any student around the World. In Poor Countries some students dont have the same possibilty to study like a rich country students. They have to focus on both family and school lifes. However some people think that the students who dealt with this bad situations can gain more life experience. Apart from that Many people think that if a child doesn't get a good education in his life, not educated children's life starts behind from other educated childs. Because of that some parents think that if a child doesnt need to work for helping their family than they need to focus on their educations. they also know that a good education will lead to good job opportunities in the future. In Conclusion, both studying and working have advantages and also disadvantages. But a childeren have to hammer away their lessons except childeren who have troubles in their lifes. This situation also depends on wherever you were born, you can not select the place or family you want to born but you have to fight with the problems to be a winnner.
Nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
go to school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
work part-time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
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think
opposite about
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
this and
they prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
. I believe,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countrys
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal both of them. The following essay takes a look at both sides of the argument.
For example
:

If a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
has a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
conditions in his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
whatever he or she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with working
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
part time
. This example is a
really
sad example for
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
any
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student
around the World. In Poor Countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
have the same
Possible spelling mistake found.
possibilty
to study like a rich country
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "student"?
students
. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
focus on both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and school
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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think
that the
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students
who dealt with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
situations can gain more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience.

Apart from that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
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think
that if a child doesn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
in his
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life
, not educated children's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
starts
behind from other educated
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "children", the plural form of the noun 'child'?
childs
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
think
that if a child
Possible spelling mistake found
doesnt
need to work for helping their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
than they need to focus on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
educations
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
they
also
know that a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
education
will lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
job opportunities in the future.

In Conclusion
, both studying and working have advantages and
also
disadvantages.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
hammer away their lessons except
Possible spelling mistake found.
childeren
who have troubles in their
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
. This situation
also
depends on wherever you
were born
, you can not select the place or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
you want to
Did you mean "bear"?
born
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
you
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
fight with the problems to be a
Possible spelling mistake found.
winnner
.
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IELTS essay In some countries it is common for students as young as 15 to get a part time job while they go to school. However, some parents would rather their children focus entirely on their studies.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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