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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The movement of businesses and industries to regional areas outside the big cities encouraging by the government in some countries create more job opportunities and make better infrastructure. Granted, the merits overtake the disadvantages of this issue. The government influencing some businesses and industries to move to other region leads to create more job opportunities, and this can reduce the number of unemployment. This is to say, there is a chance to increase prosperity, although this activities are more likely to create environmental destruction. For example, in Karawang West Java, there are a lot of manufacture companies especially automotive manufacture already move their main factory from Jakarta, and about 1 billion local villagers become a worker for those companies, making Karawang today have a highest local salary standard in Indonesia. Furthermore, moving industries and businesses to other region outside the big cities can build more infrastructures, then leads to modern civilization. This is to say, if there is better facilities, more and more people live there will be more connected to the other cities, although this can create the eviction. For instance, Freeport Indonesia create a massive gold manufacture in the heart of jungle on the top of Jayawijaya mountain in West Papua, and they also build roads to the cities, so everyone such as villagers who live beside the manufacture can use it too. In conclusion, the advantages of moving industries and businesses to the other regional in city side that encouraged by the government can create more job opportunities and make infrastructure more modern. Can the government influence more businesses and industries to move their manufacture?
The movement of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to regional areas outside the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
encouraging by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
more job opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
better infrastructure. Granted, the merits overtake the disadvantages of this issue.

The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
influencing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
region leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
more job opportunities, and this can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of unemployment. This is to say, there is a chance to increase prosperity, although
‘This’ does not seem to match the plural noun ‘activities’. Did you mean “these”?
this
activities are more likely to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
environmental destruction.
For example
, in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karawang
West Java, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacture
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
especially
automotive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacture
already
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their main factory from Jakarta, and about 1 billion local villagers become a worker for those
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
, making
Possible spelling mistake found.
Karawang
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have
Use “the” with the superlative.
a
highest local salary standard in Indonesia.

Furthermore
, moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
region outside the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
can build more infrastructures, then leads to modern civilization. This is to say, if
Did you mean “there are better facilities”?
there is better facilities
, more and more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
there will be more connected to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, although this can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
the eviction.
For instance
, Freeport Indonesia
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
a massive gold
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacture
in the heart of jungle on the top of
Possible spelling mistake found.
Jayawijaya
mountain in West
Possible spelling mistake found.
Papua
, and they
also
build roads to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
everyone such as villagers who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
beside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacture
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
it too.

In conclusion
, the advantages of moving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
regional in city side that encouraged by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
create
more job opportunities and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
infrastructure more modern. Can the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
influence more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
manufacture
?
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IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
268 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
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    One main idea per paragraph
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  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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