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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

The idea to place industries and corporation to regional areas can lead to lower production cost. Moreover, it makes worker become more relax Suggesting some enterprises to operate in countrysides can result in low production costs in compliance with rises in volume of sales. This is because the regional minimum wages for villagers is lower than those living in a big city, although manufacturing activities are more likely to increase pollutions. For example, Kraftheinz as one of the biggest consumer goods company built a new factory in Pasuruan on 2000 with around 2000 local workers who can be paid less than 3 millions rupiah, showing the reverse from their factory in Jakarta which pay 4 millions rupiah for each labour, and their prouduction cost reduced for 15%. In 2001 their sales increased to 450, 000 products from its initial 255, 000 a year before Furthermore, moving an industries to a regional area can reduce the stress level of worker, and the can be more productive. Even though it seems that the workers will get facilities shortage, more workers are able to enjoy beautiful sceneries and have more time to relax, avoiding stress. For instance, workers staying in a big cities such as Jakarta has to wake up early in the morning to avoid jam. It means that they have limited time to sleep. If they become a worker in a regional office, they will have many chance to spent for relaxation as they dont need to face teriffic traffic, and become fresher to accomplish all tasks in workplace. In conclusion, not only do the suggestion of moving an industries to a countryside bring the possibilities to reduce production cost, but also giving a chance for workers to be more relax.
The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
to place industries and corporation to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
areas can lead to lower production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
.
Moreover
, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
become more relax

Suggesting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
enterprises to operate in countrysides can result in low production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
costs
in compliance with rises in volume of sales. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
minimum wages for villagers is lower than those living in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
city, although manufacturing activities are more likely to increase pollutions.
For example
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Kraftheinz
as one of the biggest consumer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
built a new factory in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Pasuruan
on 2000 with around 2000 local
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
who can
be paid
less than 3 millions rupiah, showing the reverse from their factory in Jakarta which pay 4 millions rupiah for each
Possible spelling mistake. ‘labour’ is British English.
labour
, and their
Possible spelling mistake found.
prouduction
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
for 15%. In 2001 their sales increased to 450, 000 products from its initial 255, 000 a year
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph.
before


Furthermore
, moving
The plural noun “industries” cannot be used with the article “an”. Did you mean “an industry” or “industries”?
an industries
to a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
area can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
, and
Did you mean “they”, “that” or “there”?
the
can be more productive.
Even though
it seems that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
facilities shortage, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
are able to enjoy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sceneries and have more time to relax, avoiding
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
.
For instance
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
staying in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities such as Jakarta
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
wake up early in the morning to avoid jam. It means that they have limited time to sleep. If they become a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
worker
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
office, they will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
chance to spent for relaxation as they
Possible spelling mistake found
dont
need to face
Possible spelling mistake found.
teriffic
traffic, and become fresher to accomplish all tasks in workplace.

In conclusion
, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
do the suggestion of moving
The plural noun “industries” cannot be used with the article “an”. Did you mean “an industry” or “industries”?
an industries
to a countryside bring the possibilities to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
production
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cost
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
giving a chance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
workers
to be more relax.
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IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
290 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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