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in future more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday? Do you agree or disagree

In the upcoming years preference by the people will be to spend vacations in their home country and not moving to overseas. Spending holidays in their own country itself, may be opted by some percentage of people. However, in my opinion I strongly disagree that people won’t be moving to foreign countries for vacations. In this essay, I will discuss in detail that what are the reasons people will be keep travelling to foreign countries. Firstly, the statistical report from developing countries reflects that people from their states are much eager to go out and explore about other nations. They love to travel especially for leisure and pleasure activities. The level of individual income is increased by considerable percentage in the third world countries which gives people the spending power. On the other hand, business opportunities have increased in the expansive scale due to globalisation and infrastructure development in their own nations. Because of which people have chance to meet foreigners which in turn stimulates a temptation to visit the nations abroad, explore their culture, lifestyle, food and traditions. For example, a modern oil and gas processing unit erection in my city, involved a bunch of Scandinavian people, which creates interests within the people of my city to view and enjoy the dramatic and spectacular charming milky white snowing weather conditions, by hearing from them. Vice-versa, the Scandinavian folks heard about the holy cave in which one of our religious ascetics meditated and attained the ecstasy of divine state, where he cured many people’s physical illness, healed numerous people’s mental ailments. It is another fantastic experience from which we can able to derive that in following decades common public will be going on to another nations and continents for pleasure. Hereby, I am winding up with my rigid point that youngsters, adults and common crowd will be visiting overseas states during their leave days.
In the upcoming
An apostrophe may be missing.
years
preference by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be to spend vacations in their home
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
and not moving to overseas. Spending holidays in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
itself, may
be opted
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
percentage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
However
, in my opinion I
strongly
disagree that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
won’t be moving to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
for vacations. In this essay, I will discuss in detail that what are the reasons
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
travelling to foreign countries.

Firstly
, the statistical report from developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
reflects that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
from their states are much eager to go out and explore about other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. They
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
to travel
especially
for leisure and pleasure activities. The level of individual income
is increased
by considerable percentage in the third world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
which gives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the spending power.

On the other hand
, business opportunities have increased in the expansive scale due to
Possible spelling mistake. ‘globalisation’ is British English.
globalisation
and infrastructure development in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have chance to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
foreigners which in turn stimulates a temptation to visit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
abroad, explore their culture, lifestyle, food and traditions.

For example
, a modern oil and gas processing unit erection in my city, involved a bunch of Scandinavian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, which creates interests within the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of my city to view and enjoy the dramatic and spectacular charming milky white snowing weather conditions, by hearing from them.

Vice-versa, the Scandinavian folks heard about the holy cave in which one of our religious ascetics meditated and attained the ecstasy of divine state, where he cured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
physical illness, healed numerous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
mental ailments. It is another fantastic experience from which we
Please check whether one of these words is redundant.
can able to
derive that in following decades common public will be going on to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
and continents for pleasure.

Hereby, I am winding up with my rigid point that youngsters, adults and common crowd will be visiting overseas states during their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
days.
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IELTS essay in future more people will choose to go on holiday in their own country and not travel abroad on holiday?

Essay
  American English
6 paragraphs
314 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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