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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages? 18YN
Industries and businesses are the primary concern in many cities as they make the city more congested and pollute the environment in one hand, while creates job opportunities and contribute to the development of the city on the other hand. Many of the enterprises are operated and promoted in bigger cities only. Encouraging them to move to regional areas is a good idea. I believe that has more benefits than drawbacks. There are several advantages why industries should move to the regional areas and the government should take initiatives to do so. The most important aspect is the development of the regional areas. Setting up of the enterprises in the rural area will help to develop the basic infrastructures like transportation facility, electricity and road in the rural areas. In addition, the people of this area will have the golden opportunity of employment and that would enhance the living standard as well. Moreover, the economic activity of the area will increase and that would let the government take further initiatives in order to develop this urban area. The various types of small businesses and industries like hotel, lodge, suppliers will emerge and that will support other businesses and add value to the economy of these areas. Regional offices are often helpful to expand businesses and to reduce the manufacturing and operating cost. Thus many big industries would be actually benefited from this. Again the pressure on the big cities would reduce and that would lessen many serious issues like pollutions, traffic jam and waste management. Despite this, there are several disadvantages of moving the businesses and industries to regional areas. One of the prominent drawbacks is the exploitation of natural resources. The industry will use the various kind of resources such as forest, water resources which will cause the environmental degradation like pollution, climate change and much more. The gradual increase in the number of population in such urban areas will increase the crime rate. Finally relocating an industry to a different place involves a huge amount of costs and the industries would not want to spend this amount naturally. All in all, comparing the good look and bad look, I think that the government must encourage the selected industries and businesses to move to regional areas where they would operate in a better fashion for the overall betterment of economy and environment and population.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
are the primary concern in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the city more congested and pollute the environment in one hand, while creates job opportunities and contribute to the development of the city
on the other hand
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
of the enterprises
are operated
and promoted in bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Encouraging them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
. I believe that has more benefits than drawbacks.

There are several advantages why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take initiatives to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
aspect is the development of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. Setting up of the enterprises in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to develop the basic infrastructures like transportation facility, electricity and road in the rural
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
.
In addition
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
will have the golden opportunity of employment and that would enhance the living standard
as well
.
Moreover
, the economic activity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
will increase and that would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
take
further
initiatives in order to develop this urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
area
. The various types of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
like hotel, lodge, suppliers will emerge and that will support other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
add
value to the economy of these areas.

Regional offices are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
helpful to expand
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the manufacturing and operating cost.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
would be actually benefited from this. Again the pressure on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
and that would lessen
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
serious issues like pollutions, traffic jam and waste management.

Despite this, there are several disadvantages of moving the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
. One of the prominent drawbacks is the exploitation of natural resources. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the various kind of resources such as forest, water resources which will cause the environmental degradation like pollution, climate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
and much more. The gradual increase in the number of population in such urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
will increase the crime rate.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Finally
relocating an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industry
to a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
place involves a huge amount of costs and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
would not want to spend this amount
naturally
.

All in all, comparing the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
look and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
look, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
encourage the selected
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industries
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
regional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
areas
where they would operate in a better fashion for the
overall
betterment of economy and environment and population.
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IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and businesses to move to regional areas outside the big cities. Do the advantages of this trend outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
395 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
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Lexical Resource: 5.5
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Grammatical Range: 5.5
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Task Achievement: 5.5
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    Present relevant ideas
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