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In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and business to move out of large cities and into regional areas. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? Give reasons for your answer and include examples from your knowledge or experiences.

In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and business to move out of large cities and into regional areas. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages? 2jXJ
Nowadays, many of the companies are establishing their buildings in the inner-city which affected traffic jam on the main roads. To overcome this issue, the government is motivating the companies to build their workplaces in the countryside. In this essay, I will analyze the benefits and drawbacks of this issue and present my perspective in encourage corporations and businesses to outside of the city. There are some benefits when the government stimulates the companies to build offices in the countryside. First of all, the relocation of the industrial building will make loosely the traffic. The number of vehicles which before becoming the root of the congestion problem can be solved with this way. For example, in the United States which New York is the center of business and Washington DC is the central government, human activity can be divided and not concentrated on a single point. Second of all, air pollution can be decreased due to the lack of industrial activity in the inner-city. This condition will make the air in the city be better and fresh. For example, the air quality in Makassar much better rather than in Jakarta since there are not industrial buildings. Nevertheless, there are some drawbacks to this issue. However, when the industrial building is located in the countryside, this condition will make product transportation costs more and more rather than before. The companies should prepare for this consequence, so that not go bankrupt in the future. For example, the company which located in Soroako, South Sulawesi will spend out transportation costs a lot rather than the company which located in Makassar. In conclusion, the benefits are more than the drawbacks and surely it outweighs the drawbacks. I think the government should relocate the companies in the inner-city to the countryside so that the city condition can be health and fresh.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
are establishing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
in the inner-city which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
traffic jam on the main roads. To overcome this issue, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is motivating the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to build their workplaces in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
. In this essay, I will analyze the benefits and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
of this issue and present my perspective in encourage corporations and businesses to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the city. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
stimulates the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
to build offices in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the relocation of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
loosely
the traffic. The number of vehicles which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
becoming the root of the congestion problem can
be solved
with this way.
For example
, in the United States which New York is the center of business and Washington DC is the central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, human activity can
be divided
and not concentrated on a single point.

Second of all, air pollution can
be decreased
due to the lack of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
activity in the inner-city. This condition will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the air in the city be better and fresh.
For example
, the air quality in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Makassar


much better
rather
than in Jakarta since there are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
buildings
.
Nevertheless
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
to this issue.
However
, when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
industrial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
building
is located
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
, this condition will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
product transportation costs more and more
rather
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
should prepare for this consequence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that not go bankrupt in the future.
For example
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which located in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Soroako
, South Sulawesi will spend out transportation costs a lot
rather
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
company
which located in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Makassar
.
In conclusion
, the benefits are more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
and
surely
it outweighs the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drawbacks
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should relocate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
companies
in the inner-city to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countryside
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that the city condition can be health and fresh.
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IELTS essay In some countries, governments are encouraging industries and business to move out of large cities and into regional areas. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh its disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
2 paragraphs
306 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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