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In some countries, fathers are playing a greater role in raising their children. Why is this happening? What are the benefits of it?

In some countries, fathers are playing a greater role in raising their children. Why is this happening? What are the benefits of it? BMokj
SINCE women have entered the workforce in large numbers in many societies, they have also chosen to have fewer children. Their husbands, CERTAINLY meantime, are expected to play more of a role in raising children not only because their wives are working but ALSO because fatherhood has been redefined by men and women alike. A generation ago, fathers were more clearly financial providers; now they are also emotional anchors WHO spend more time with their children. The benefits of fathers' assuming a greater role in childrearing are MOST many. From the perspective of the child or children, they have a more accessible male figure they can both look up to and rely on. THIS leads to their being more rounded individuals better able to cope with today's complex world. Research has shown that children who lack confidence or have some other problem develop faster with paternal as WELL as maternal love and attention. FROM the father's point of view, he enjoys a period of time with his children that passes all too quickly, and is nourished by their daily accomplishments, by their intellectual and emotional growth. A man may count it a great achievement if his children are stable and able; his employment or earning capacity does not only confer status upon him. For the mother, she feels as though her partner is assisting HER physically and emotionally, and not just financially. While her partner is caring for their children, she may have more space and time for her own pursuits be STAY they connected to her career or to other creative endeavours. The notion of manhood has changed in recent times to include more active fatherhood, AND I believe THAT this is a positive development for all concerned.
SINCE women have entered the workforce in large numbers in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
societies, they have
also
chosen to have fewer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Their husbands,
CERTAINLY
meantime, are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to play more of a role in raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their wives are working
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
ALSO
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
fatherhood has
been redefined
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women alike. A generation ago, fathers were more
clearly
financial providers;
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
they are
also
emotional anchors WHO spend more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their children.

The benefits of fathers' assuming a greater role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
childrearing
are MOST
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. From the perspective of the child or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they have a more accessible male figure they can both look up to and rely on. THIS leads to their being more rounded individuals better able to cope with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's complex world. Research has shown that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who lack confidence or have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
other problem develop faster with paternal
as WELL
as maternal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and attention.

FROM the father's point of view, he enjoys a period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
that passes all too
quickly
, and
is nourished
by their daily accomplishments, by their intellectual and emotional growth. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
may count it a great achievement if his
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are stable and able; his employment or earning capacity does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
confer status upon him.

For the mother, she feels as though her partner is assisting HER
physically
and
emotionally
, and not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
financially
. While her partner is caring for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, she may have more space and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for her
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pursuits be
Consider using a past participle here: "staid", "stayed".
STAY
they connected to her career or to other creative
Possible spelling mistake. 'endeavours' is British English.
endeavours
.

The notion of manhood has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in recent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
to include more active fatherhood, AND I believe THAT this is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
development for all concerned.
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IELTS essay In some countries, fathers are playing a greater role in raising their children. Why is this happening? What are the benefits of it?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
289 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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