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In some countries, children are getting fatter and less fit day by day. Why is it so? Suggest solutions to this problem?

In some countries, children are getting fatter and less fit day by day. Why is it so? Suggest solutions to this problem? NWlxd
Despite knowing the importance of Health, many children are getting fatter day by day instead of remaining fit. This essay will examine main causes of unhealthiness and possible solutions to this problem. The two main causes of unhealthiness are not doing exercise regularly and over eating of junk foods from outside. When children stay awake till late night, they find difficult to wake up early in the morning. For instance, playing games overnight, roaming outside of the house, staying up late watching web series. Because of that they do not wake up early in the morning for exercise. Also, when they are uneven in the regular diet, they often order food online and eat food that contains oil, cheese, butter which is not only unhealthy but also unhygienic for body. Thus unhygienic food often deplete the children’s body and that causes fat in them. Some possible solutions to this problem are proper parenting and promoting awareness among people. By proper parenting, parents can make a habit of eating food which is made in their house from a smaller age, which can save them by eating food from outside on regular basis. Moreover, the next step fighting unhealthiness is informing children about the dangers to this problem. This way, children will be more conscious of their health and will stop eating outside food. To conclude, not doing exercise regularly and over eating of outside food have negative impact on children’s health. However, we can significantly lessen this health problems by proper parenting and enlightening children about this problem.
Despite knowing the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are getting fatter day by day
instead
of remaining fit. This essay will examine main causes of unhealthiness and possible solutions to this problem.

The two main causes of unhealthiness are not doing exercise
regularly
and over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
stay awake till late night, they find difficult to wake up early in the morning.
For instance
, playing games overnight, roaming
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "outside".
outside of
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, staying up late watching web series.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of that they do not wake up early in the morning for exercise.
Also
, when they are uneven in the regular diet, they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
order
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
online and eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
that contains oil, cheese, butter which is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
unhealthy
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
unhygienic for body.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
unhygienic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
deplete the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
body and that causes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
in them.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
possible solutions to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
are proper parenting and promoting awareness among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. By proper parenting, parents can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a habit of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which
is made
in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
from a smaller age, which can save them by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
on regular basis.
Moreover
, the
next
step fighting unhealthiness is informing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
. This way,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more conscious of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
food.

To conclude
, not doing exercise
regularly
and over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
eating
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
outside
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
However
, we can
significantly
lessen this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
by proper parenting and enlightening
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
about this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
.
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IELTS essay In some countries, children are getting fatter and less fit day by day. Why is it so? Suggest solutions to this problem?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
257 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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