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In some countries celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree

In some countries celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. GAxQ
It is debatable issue, some nation have problem about showing celebrities privacey by reporters. However other think that celebrities accept that because of they earn alot of money. This esay agree with the former view due to some reasons. Multifarious reasons are responsible for show their privacy that celebrities also under pressure for giving favorous performance in front of public of public. If media catch there show than they feel nervous as well as they do not give better proformance because of this, effective proformace cam effect to people apart from it people waste their time for see the shows. Besides this, celebrities have glamrized in things which effected to youth because they follow celebrities fashion and style as they have fans of youth style so media show their personal life than youth also follow it for example, some celebrities nothing to do like drink, smoking, youngsters always can something wrong in their life. Whereas, for earn name and fame they except to show their privacy for earn money
It is debatable issue,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nation have problem about showing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
Possible spelling mistake found.
privacey
by reporters.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
However
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
accept that
Probable usage error. Use "because they" instead.
because of they
earn
Possible spelling mistake found.
alot
of money. This
Possible spelling mistake found.
esay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former view due to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
reasons. Multifarious reasons are responsible for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their privacy that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
also
under pressure for giving
Possible spelling mistake found.
favorous
performance in front
This phrase is duplicated. You should probably leave only "of public".
of public of public
. If media catch there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
than they feel nervous
as well
as they do not give better
Possible spelling mistake found.
proformance
because of this
, effective
Possible spelling mistake found.
proformace
cam effect to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
apart from it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
waste their time for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shows
.
Besides
this,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
have
Possible spelling mistake found.
glamrized
in things which effected to youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
celebrities
fashion and style as they have fans of youth style
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
media
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their personal life than youth
also
follow it
for example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Apostrophe might be missing. Did you mean "celebrities'" or "celebrity's"?
celebrities
nothing to do like drink, smoking, youngsters always can something
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
in their life. Whereas, for earn name and fame they except to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
show
their privacy for earn money
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IELTS essay In some countries celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame.

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
168 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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