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In some countries celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. Do you agree or disagree?

In some countries celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame. BpWV
In modern era, people has been copy to celebrities by following them on social site and curious about the way they live so it is hot debate topic; Nevertheless, in some nations well-known persons claim about the way media expose their privacy of life, while others believe that they should accept that as part of their glamour. I completely disagree with the latter statement as they have right to live their life as normal people because they are already under pressured so, they have been doing smoke or drink. To commence with, they have a authority to live their life secretly because they are also human and they chose to fame ought to their occupation. For instance, if any celebrity do smoking and media capture ans show that on television then children will also start to do same as them. For instance, as children like to be in touch with fashion trend by influencing from famous people so sometime they can not saw differences between wrong and right and do the same thing as celebrities do. Consequently, it would be mislead to new generation and children will getting addict of bad. Another profound is that will make accident or create mental health hassle among superstars life due to loss fans as sometime paparazzi spread rumour about them and in the end they can depressed. To illustrate, Bollywood late actor Mr. Sushant singh rajput committed suicide by lost in depression owing to rumour about him of as he is drug smuggler. Therefore, it will negatively affect on culture of society and film industry as well. In conclusion, Although they have also right to keep their personal life private. this would be built better world through gaining peace and humanity.
In modern era,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
been copy to celebrities by following them on social site and curious about the way they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it is hot debate topic;
Nevertheless
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
nations well-known persons claim about the way media expose their privacy of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, while others believe that they should accept that as part of their glamour. I completely disagree with the latter statement as they have right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
as normal
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are already under pressured
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, they have been doing smoke or drink.

To commence with, they have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
secretly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they are
also
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
human and
they chose to fame ought to their occupation.
For instance
, if any celebrity
The usual collocation for an activity ending in "-ing" is "go" not "do" or "play." Revise: "go smoking".
do smoking
and media capture ans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that on television then children will
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to do same as them.
For instance
, as children like to be in touch with fashion trend by influencing from
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
sometime they can not
This form is ambiguous and can be used as past tense. Confirm that you are using the intended base form of the main verb after 'to do' as an auxiliary verb..
saw
differences between
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
and right and do the same thing as celebrities do.
Consequently
, it would be
Consider using the past participle "misled"?
mislead
to new generation and children will getting addict of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.

Another profound is that will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
accident or create mental health hassle among superstars
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
due to loss fans as sometime paparazzi spread
Possible spelling mistake. 'rumour' is British English.
rumour
about them and in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
they can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "depress"
depressed
. To illustrate, Bollywood late actor Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Sushant
Possible spelling mistake found.
singh
Possible spelling mistake found.
rajput
committed suicide by lost in depression owing to
Possible spelling mistake. 'rumour' is British English.
rumour
about him of as he is drug smuggler.
Therefore
, it will
negatively
Did you mean "effect"?
affect
on culture of society and film industry
as well
.

In conclusion
, Although they have
also
right to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
private.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
this
would
be built
better world through gaining peace and humanity.

IELTS essay In some countries celebrities complain about the way media publicize their private lives. Some people say that they should accept it as part of their fame.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
288 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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