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In some countries average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

In some countries average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them? 1QRA
In various nations across the globe, there is a surge in people’s weight and there is a decline in their health and fitness. There are many causes that contribute to this problem; also certain measures can initiated to overcome this issue. There are several factors of this problem, and the main cause is the adaptation of various technologies of this modern world, since people are used to the ease of access of everything, they have become lethargic and they have stopped looking after their health and physical fitness. In several nations, obesity has become a critical problem, as the public of those nations are adapted to the lazy lifestyle. In fact, a lot of people do not even bother to maintain their physique and does not follow a proper diet. Secondly, people nowadays have started eating fast food very often, almost every working youth are now dependent on outside food. And, these fast foods are the major contributor to fats in the body and it is also responsible for the surge in weight. However, certain measures can be taken to control this issue of obesity. Firstly, people are not very fond of physical fitness and good health, thus there is a serious need to spread nationwide awareness among people of having an appropriate health and living a healthy life by promoting importance of yoga and exercise. Secondly, parents should take some initiative to restrict their children from excessive use of smart phones and video games, since youth of today’s world is suffering from over-weight problems. To conclude, the rise in moderate weight of people is a severe problem which we are facing while entering into this futuristic era of technology, however if we individually give importance to our health and fitness, some change can be expected.
In various nations across the globe, there is a surge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
weight and there is a decline in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes that contribute to this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
;
also
certain measures can initiated to overcome this issue.

There are several factors of this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, and the main cause is the adaptation of various technologies of this modern world, since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of access of everything, they have become
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
lethargic and
they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stopped
looking after their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
. In several nations, obesity has become a critical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
, as the public of those nations
are adapted
to the lazy lifestyle. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
do not even bother to maintain their physique and does not follow a proper diet.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
nowadays have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
eating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
, almost every working youth are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
dependent on outside food. And, these
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
foods are the major contributor to fats in the body and it is
also
responsible for the surge in weight.

However
, certain measures can
be taken
to control this issue of obesity.
Firstly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
fond of physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
thus
there is a serious need to spread nationwide awareness among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of having an appropriate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and living a healthy life by promoting importance of yoga and exercise.
Secondly
, parents should take
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
initiative to restrict their children from excessive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of smart phones and video games, since youth of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s world is suffering from over-weight problems.

To conclude
, the rise in moderate weight of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
is a severe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
which we are facing while entering into this futuristic era of technology,
however
if we
individually
give importance to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fitness
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
.

IELTS essay In some countries average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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