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With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. 9by0
Due to the huge revolution in information, students in all stages of education have to do many courses. There is a common thought that courses that are not academic such as cooking and physical education have to be eliminated to let a chance for pupils focus on the main academic courses. In my opinion, it is a totally wrong thought because these non-academic courses teach them a lot of skills which are so important for them. Also, students should enjoy while they are learning. Non-academic subjects had been tough to students from a long time ago and many studies had proven how these courses had a great effect on students. Though these non-academic courses they have learned many life skills such as cooking, sewing, threading, and some important physical exercises which keep them on healthy lifestyle track. To give a clear example, when I was at primary school, I loved this non-academic lessons more than the academic ones because across these courses I learned how to depend on myself in many things at young age such as preparing my breakfast alone and sewing my clothes. Therefore, the lessons that pupils took in each week on these non-academic subjects should be increased not removed. In addition, one of the most effective ways to encourage students to study and attend their lessons regularly is to let them enjoy while they are learning. Many students really adore these non-academic lessons because these lessons are enjoyable and they can discover their hobbies through them. They can also share a lot of activities with their classmates during these lessons which as a consequence will develop their communication skills and teamwork skills. Overall, non-academic lessons at schools are essential in any stage of education regardless the number of academic courses that are tough. These courses help students gain many skills and have fun while learning.
Due to the huge revolution in information,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in all stages of education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. There is a common
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
such as cooking and physical education
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be eliminated
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
a chance for pupils focus on the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. In my opinion, it is a
totally
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
teach them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
which are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for them.
Also
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
should enjoy while they are learning.

Non-academic subjects had been tough to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
from a long time ago and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
studies had proven how these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
had a great effect on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. Though these non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
they have learned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
such as cooking, sewing, threading, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
physical exercises which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
them on healthy lifestyle
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
. To give a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
example, when I was at primary school, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
this non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
more than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
ones
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
across these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
I learned how to depend on myself in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things at young age such as preparing my breakfast alone and sewing my clothes.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
that pupils took in each week on these non-academic subjects should
be increased
not removed.

In addition
, one of the most effective ways to encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to study and attend their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
regularly
is to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them enjoy while they are learning.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
really
adore these non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
enjoyable and
they can discover their hobbies through them. They can
also
share
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
activities with their classmates during these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
which as a consequence will develop their communication
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and teamwork
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.

Overall
, non-academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lessons
at schools are essential in any stage of education regardless the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
academic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
that are tough. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and have fun while learning.
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IELTS essay With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
309 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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  • With the pressures on today’s young people to succeed academically, some people believe that non-academic subjects at school (eg: physical education and cookery) should be removed from the syllabus so that children can concentrate wholly on academic subjects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?