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In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating fast food .It is therfore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.To what extent do you agree or disagree

In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating fast food. It is therfore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food. PYpE
Given the higher rate of health issues directly related to junk food consumption, it is often suggested to increase taxing imposed to this category of food. I strongly agree with this point of view, as i believe that imposing extra taxes on unhealthy food will reduce their consumption due to the resulting rise in their prices, while also will encourage food industries to develop new alternatives to fast food by providing new healthy and balanced meals in order to keep their incomes safe. First of all, taxing unhealthy food will increase the consumer prices, and as a result, lessen their attraction, so by consequence, it will reduce the consumption of these products which lead as a final result to a reduction in health problems. For example, if the price of a familial pizza jump from 200 moroccan dirhams to 400 Mad, a large number of families will not afford having pizza for dinner anymore, and will push them to find more affordable and subsequently "healthier" meal. Therfore it may appear that government should not be involved in people 's eating habits by increasing taxes, it can be argued that this kind of measures could save countries ' economy a substantial amount of money in terms of health care expences. Furthermore, the nosedive in fast food sales due to extra taxes will push food suppliers to look for new perspectives to guarantee their benifits and avoid extra charges, by providing new healthier meals and changing their cooking methods. For instance, banning fries from their menus in addition to reducing sugar and fat quantities in their recipies, to name but a few. While there is no question about the fact that people are responsible for their food choices, it is clear that presenting a wider range of healthier options can make a positive difference in those choices. To summerize, it may seem unrealistic to charge food firms for producing fast food, but this can lead indirectly to improving health and prevent a huge number of preventable diseases by encouraging people to adopt healthy eating lifestyle.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Given
the higher rate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues
directly
related to junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
consumption, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
suggested to increase taxing imposed to this category of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. I
strongly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this point of view, as
Is this the personal pronoun "I"? It is spelled uppercase.
i
believe that imposing extra taxes on unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their consumption due to the resulting rise in their prices, while
also
will encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries to develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
alternatives to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
healthy and balanced meals in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their incomes safe.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, taxing unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
will increase the consumer prices, and
as a result
, lessen their attraction,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
by consequence, it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the consumption of these products which lead as a final result to a reduction in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems.
For example
, if the price of a familial pizza jump from 200
Possible spelling mistake found.
moroccan
Possible spelling mistake found.
dirhams
to 400 Mad,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
families will not afford
If 'afford' is used as a verb, it usually requires the infinitive: "to have".
having
pizza for dinner anymore, and will push them to find more affordable and
subsequently
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
healthier
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
meal.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Therfore
it may appear that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should not
be involved
in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's eating habits by increasing taxes, it can
be argued
that this kind of measures could save countries
Don't put a space on both sides of a quote symbol
'
economy a substantial amount of money in terms of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
care
Possible spelling mistake found.
expences
.

Furthermore
, the nosedive in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
sales due to extra taxes will push
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
suppliers to look for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
perspectives to guarantee their
Possible spelling mistake found.
benifits
and avoid extra charges, by providing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
new
healthier meals and changing their cooking methods.
For instance
, banning fries from their menus
in addition
to reducing sugar and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fat
quantities in their
Possible spelling mistake found.
recipies
, to name
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a few. While there is no question about the fact that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are responsible for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
choices, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that presenting a wider range of healthier options can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
difference in those choices.

To
Possible spelling mistake found.
summerize
, it may seem unrealistic to charge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
firms for producing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
this can lead
indirectly
to improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
a huge number of preventable diseases by encouraging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to adopt healthy eating lifestyle.
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IELTS essay In some countries an increasing number of people are suffering from health problems as a result of eating fast food. It is therfore necessary for government to impose a higher tax on this kind of food.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
343 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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