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In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight.

In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight. PE2YE
Nowadays, the development of fast food industries which leads people preferring convenient food to healthy food, It’s a cause of overweight and health problem of teenagers in several countries. Several individuals point out their opinion is that the government should give a ban to reduces these issues. From my perspective, although it’s understandable and has apparent merits, there are demerits as well, and my essay will outline both. . First, the government should handle these issues by applying high taxes on the junk food business. It is a hand that can increase the product’s prices that lead to decline major of customers come up with reasons, the foods are affordable. Besides that, they also can promulgate the rule to make the purchase process become more complicated to reduce the number of consumers who prefer convenience. In some Asian countries such as Vietnam, the governments have imposed taxes on foreign fast-food firms such as KFC, Mcdonald’s. It is a cause boost the price quite high that make Vietnamese slightly select internal food, Banh Mi rather than an expensive one. That will help decrease the effect of junk food on young children. On the other hand, it is not only the responsibility of the government but also the responsibility of parents in controlling the effect of these issues. First, parents should supervise the eating habits of their children, by encouraging children to have healthier lifestyles which assist reduce the negative effect of fast food on them. For example, Vietnamese parents usually require their child to eat more vegetables on the daily meal that has provided positive effect onchildren’s awareness since they were young. That is the reason why Vietnamese have a minimal number of children overweight. In conclusion, to help decline the number of overweight and health problem in young children are the responsibility of government and family.
Nowadays, the development of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industries which leads
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
preferring convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
to healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, It’s a cause of overweight and health problem of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
in several countries. Several individuals point out their opinion is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should give a ban to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
these issues. From my perspective, although it’s understandable and has apparent merits, there are demerits
as well
, and my essay will outline both.
Don't put a space before the full stop
.


First
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should handle these issues by applying high taxes on the junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
business. It is a hand that can increase the product’s prices that lead to decline major of customers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
up with reasons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
foods
are affordable.
Besides
that, they
also
can promulgate the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
rule
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
process become more complicated to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the number of consumers who prefer convenience. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
Asian countries such as Vietnam, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
have imposed taxes on foreign
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-food firms such as KFC,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Mcdonald
’s. It is a cause boost the price quite high that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
Vietnamese
slightly
select internal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Banh
Mi
rather
than an expensive one. That will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decrease the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on young children.

On the other hand
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
the responsibility of parents in controlling the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of these issues.
First
, parents should supervise the eating habits of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, by encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have healthier lifestyles which assist
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
on them.
For example
, Vietnamese parents
usually
require their child to eat more vegetables on the daily meal that has provided
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
effect
Possible spelling mistake found.
onchildren
’s awareness since they were young.
That is
the reason why Vietnamese have a minimal number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
overweight.

In conclusion
, to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
decline the number of overweight and health problem in young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
and family.
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IELTS essay In some countries, a lot of children have health issues and are becoming overweight.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
306 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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