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With the advancement of technology Internet has brought to people many benefits.

With the advancement of technology Internet has brought to people many benefits. KyBO9
With the advancement of technology Internet has brought to people many benefits. However, some opinions show that using the online network can bring not only advantages but also disadvantages. I think everything has both positive and negative sides, and the Internet is not an exception. From my personal view, I completely agree with this statement. First and foremost, computer network makes it easier for modern people to do things in many aspects of life. People can learn and work at home instead of going to the school or office especially during this time when the covid 19 is spreading rapidly. Moreover, World Wide Web not only helps individuals relax after hours of tiring work, such as songs or movies or reality shows with a high quality of image and sound but also help most of us citizens (citizens sounds so serious) have a well-paid/promising/fulfilling job such as being a youtuber. Take me as an example, I often listen to music and watch comedy videos to relax after school. On the other hand, it is undeniable that Internet has many disadvantages. Most residents who use computer or mobile phone for a long time will have some health problems especially eyesore. For instance, according to oculist, people should not employ electronic device for 3 hours, public should participate in outdoor activities instead of using electronic device for too long. Moreover, Internet is detrimental to children who are not aware enough the harmful harm of electronic machines. An instance in point is that many children become addicted to computer/online games so their academic result is bad. , which lead to bad results in acedamy To recapitulate, although the Internet has some disadvantages, but it has become/played a necessary an indispensible part of daily life/ on a regular basis. Peoplewe should not spend too much time on the online network to reduce harmful effects. In addition, we do not let children access electronic machines too early.
With the advancement of technology Internet has brought to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
opinions
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
that using the online network can bring not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
advantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
disadvantages. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
everything has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
sides, and the Internet is not an exception. From my personal view, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

First
and foremost, computer network
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it easier for modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to do things in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can learn and work at home
instead
of going to the school or office
especially
during this time when the
Did you mean "COVID-19" or the alternative spelling "Covid-19" (= coronavirus)?
covid 19
is spreading
rapidly
.
Moreover
, World Wide Web not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
individuals relax after hours of tiring work, such as songs or movies or reality
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
with a high quality of image and sound
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
most of us citizens (citizens sounds
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
serious) have a well-paid/promising/fulfilling job such as being a
Possible spelling mistake found.
youtuber
. Take me as an example, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
listen to music and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
comedy videos to relax after school.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
disadvantages. Most residents who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computer or mobile phone for a long time will have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
health problems
especially
eyesore.
For instance
, according to oculist,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should not employ
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
device for 3 hours, public should participate in outdoor activities
instead
of using
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
device for too long.
Moreover
, Internet is detrimental to children who are not aware
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
the harmful harm of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
machines. An instance in point is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
children become addicted to computer/online games
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
their academic result is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
Loose punctuation mark.
,
which lead to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
results in
Possible spelling mistake found.
acedamy


To recapitulate, although the Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
disadvantages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it has become/played a necessary an
Possible spelling mistake found.
indispensible
part of daily life/ on a regular basis.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Peoplewe
should not spend too much time on the online network to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
harmful effects.
In addition
, we do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
children access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
electronic
machines too early.
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IELTS essay With the advancement of technology Internet has brought to people many benefits.

Essay
  American English
3 paragraphs
322 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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