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In some cojntriesthe average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

In some cojntriesthe average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them bBBY
In this modern world, lack of fitness and overweight are common. There are many causes of these problems, if government and people work together we can get rid of these problems. First, there are many causes behind this overweight and unhealthy life. The main one is that unhealthy eating habit. In this bussy life people don't have time to prepare food for them, due to that they force to depend on fast food which contains more calories. This leads to overweight and lot of health problems. in addition in this advanced technology world most people spending their whole day in front of the computer and for travelling they depend on cars even a short distance also. This also an another cause of overweight. Secondly, there are some solution to solve above problems. The main solution is that, the government should launch nation campaign regarding the importance of eating healthy food and to participate sports activities. Another, the schools should encourage the children to eat healthy food at school and ban junk food at school. The school need to educate the children thoroughly about the importance of healthy food. This will help them to continue their life with healthy food. The result is that health would improve dramatically. To conclusion, there are various factors related yo unhealthy life and overweight, but if the government and people work together everyone can change their lifestyle and all nation will follow healthy life style which is good for our country.
In this modern world, lack of fitness and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
are common. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
, if
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work together we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
rid of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
.
First
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
causes behind this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. The main one is that unhealthy eating habit. In this
Possible spelling mistake found.
bussy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
don't have time to prepare
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
for them, due to that they force
Did you mean "depending"? Or maybe you should add a pronoun? In active voice, 'force' + 'to' takes an object, usually a pronoun.
to depend
on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
which contains more calories. This leads to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
and
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
health
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problems
.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
addition
in this advanced technology world most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
spending their whole day in front of the computer and for travelling they depend on cars even a short distance
also
. This
also
One of these determiners is redundant in this context. Choose only one: "a cause" or "another cause".
an another cause
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
.
Secondly
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solution to solve above
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. The main solution is that, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should launch nation campaign regarding the importance of eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
and to participate sports activities. Another, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
should encourage the children to eat
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
and ban junk
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
school
need to educate the children
thoroughly
about the importance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. This will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to continue their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
. The result is that health would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
dramatically
. To conclusion, there are various factors related yo unhealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
overweight
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work together everyone can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their lifestyle and all nation will follow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
healthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
style which is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
for our country.
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IELTS essay In some cojntriesthe average weight of people is increasing and their levels of health and fitness are decreasing. What do you think are the causes of these problems and what measures could be taken to solve them

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
246 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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