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In some areas of US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

In some areas of US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? P0Xw
As a result of night curfew in US, teenagers can go outside with guardians only. Most of the people have welcomed this decision from government whereas, there are some voices against as well. In my opinion, its a good step to control ongoing incidents with teenagers but should be some exceptions as well. First of all, we have seen rise in kidnapping cases in recent days, and most of these cases have occurred at night. Children under the age of 15 are at the target of the kidnappers. Recently, we have heard in news that, a 14 years old boy was kidnapped from a night party and demanded a huge amount of ransom. Even after providing money parents didn't get their child back. So, parents' should try to accompany their children in these kind of events, which will help in reduction of such incidents. Secondly, young children have an urge to know new things, which sometimes lead them to bad company. They can start taking drugs, playing in casinos or even can indulge in incidents like rape or killing. Some times ago, we have read in a newspaper regarding firing in a store, in which some teenagers were involved. One of them was 12 years young and now that incident will spoil his whole life. Hence, supervision of young children is necessary and specially at night, if they want to go outside, as plethora of incidents happened at that time only. On contrary, some people think that teenagers should have their freedom and it should not be restricted by any means. In their opinion, instead of accompanying, parents should provide good educational them, so that they know difference between good and bad. Government should also provide them more facilities in games and organizesports competitions regularly, so that instead of indulging in wrong incident teenagers can use their energy in competitive sports events, which will lead to a healthy and safe society. In conclusion, its necessary to provide good education and sports facilities to children for better future, but its a good step by US government to implement night curfew for teenagers, which will definitely help in reduction of incidents happened with these young children.
As a result
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
curfew in US,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can go outside with guardians
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. Most of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have welcomed this decision from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
whereas, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
voices against
as well
. In my opinion,
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
step to control ongoing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
should be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
exceptions
as well
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, we have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
rise in kidnapping cases in recent days, and most of these cases have occurred at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
under the age of 15 are at the target of the kidnappers. Recently, we have heard in news that, a 14 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
boy
was kidnapped
from a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
party and demanded a huge amount of ransom.
“Even after” at the beginning of a sentence requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
Even after
providing money parents didn't
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their child back.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, parents' should try to accompany their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in
Did you mean "this kind" or "these kinds"?
these kind
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reduction of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have an urge to know new things, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
lead them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
. They can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
taking drugs, playing in casinos or even can indulge in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
like rape or killing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
times ago, we have read in a newspaper regarding firing in a store, in which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
were involved
. One of them was 12 years
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incident
will spoil his whole life.
Hence
, supervision of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is necessary and
specially
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
, if they want to go outside, as plethora of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
happened at that time
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
. On contrary,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
should have their freedom and it should not
be restricted
by any means. In their opinion,
instead
of accompanying, parents should provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
educational them,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they know difference between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Government
should
also
provide them more facilities in games and
Possible spelling mistake found.
organizesports
competitions
regularly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that
instead
of indulging in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incident
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
their energy in competitive sports
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
, which will lead to a healthy and safe society.
In conclusion
, its necessary to provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
education and sports facilities to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
for better future,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
good
step by US
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to implement
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
night
curfew for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
, which will definitely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in reduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
incidents
happened with these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.

IELTS essay In some areas of US, a 'curfew' is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
364 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
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Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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