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Governments should support care vs finance for retired people. Others claim that the retired should save money when they get older. Discuss both views and give opinion?

Governments should support care vs finance for retired people. Others claim that the retired should save money when they get older. NkWN
Supporting care and finance for retired people is a matter of debate. Some people believe that it can improve many lifes while other cling to that it could leads to the retired people picking up bad habits like gambling. My essay is going to shed lights on both sides of the problem and give my personal opinion. Firstly, by supporting retired people on the financial issue, their’s children do not have to be concern about them not have enough money to do what they want. In addition they can also use that money to support their’s child even when they are not working. Secondly, with the support of heath care insurants from the government, they can away have their’s health check regularly without paying. Finally, retired people especially elder people will have a place to stay and people who care for them if they do not have a home or being abandon. However, every coins have two sides. Althought, giving support to retired people can greatly benefits them it can exerts deleterious effects on those people. Giving those people free money could result in a lots of bad habits. Let’s take Mr Hai is a telling example. Because of being a retired person, he has been receiving aid from the government and he spent all of those money into gambling which ultimately lead to him being arrested by the cops. It can make people become more more lazy cause of the lack of works. In my opinion, helping retired people both have it advantages and disadvantages. On one hand it can help people with financial problems but on the other hand it can also giving birth to some unwanted habits
Supporting care and finance for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
is
a matter of debate.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
Possible spelling mistake. Did you mean "lives", the plural form of the noun 'life'?
lifes
while other cling to that it could
The verb 'could' requires the base form of the verb: "lead"
leads
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
picking up
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits like gambling. My essay is going to shed lights on both sides of the problem and give my personal opinion.

Firstly
, by supporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
on the financial issue,
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their’s
children do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
be concern about them not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to do what they want. In
The comma is probably missing here: "addition, they".
addition they
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to support
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their’s
child even when they are not working.
Secondly
, with the support of heath care
Possible spelling mistake found.
insurants
from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, they can away have
Did you mean "their" or "theirs"?
their’s
health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
regularly
without paying.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
especially
elder
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will have a place to stay and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who care for them if they do not have a home or being abandon.

However
, every
The noun should be probably in the singular form: "coin"?
coins
have two sides.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Althought
, giving support to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can
greatly
benefits them it can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "exert"
exerts
deleterious effects on those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Giving those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
free
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
could result in
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a lot" or simply "lots"?
a lots
of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
habits.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Let
’s take Mr
Possible spelling mistake found.
Hai
is a telling example.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of being a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
person, he has been receiving aid from the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
government and
he spent all of those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
into gambling which
ultimately
lead to him
being arrested
by the cops. It can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
become
Use only "more" (without 'more') when you use the comparative.
more more
lazy cause of the lack of works.

In my opinion, helping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
retired
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
both have it advantages and disadvantages. On one hand it can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
with financial problems
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
it can
also
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "give"
giving
birth to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unwanted
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
habits

IELTS essay Governments should support care vs finance for retired people. Others claim that the retired should save money when they get older.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 5.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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