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In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this? 006l
Some parts of the United States have restricted teenagers from going outside at a specific time of the night. Unless they are accompanied by an adult, they must stay inside their own homes every evening. I agree with this idea and will discuss my reasons in this essay. Teenagers cannot ensure their safety and security by themselves. They may encounter criminals, robbers or paedophiles that will take advantage of their vulnerability. They are not strong enough to defend their selves alone. In example, kidnappers target young people due to their inability to physically fight for themselves. The presence of an adult will scare perpetrators away thus, making sure teenagers will not fall into other people’s traps. Curfews should be imposed to the youth because this is the age where they are easy to be influenced. Time restrictions will not lead them to dangerous situations. Adolescents, nowadays, listen more to what famous people of their generation would dictate. To illustrate, drug dealers can deceive adolescents into using illegal drugs just because it is being used by the crowd. Staying at home and being accompanied by an adult would prevent this from occurring. Lastly, limiting the time teenagers are out during the night will help the community secure. Crimes victimizing teenagers will lessen in number. Moreover, young people inside jails will decrease as well. Ill- intentioned people will not be able to use young people for crimes especially if they are at home or with an adult companion. In conclusion, I strongly believe that curfews should be imposed for teenagers. This keeps them safe from harmful situations. Furthermore, adult supervision is a must to keep our young citizens from bad influences.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
parts of the United States have restricted
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
from going outside at a specific time of the night. Unless they
are accompanied
by an adult, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
stay inside their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
homes every evening. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
and will discuss my reasons in this essay.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Teenagers
cannot ensure their safety and security by themselves. They may encounter criminals, robbers or
Possible spelling mistake. 'paedophiles' is British English.
paedophiles
that will take advantage of their vulnerability. They are not strong
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
to defend their selves alone. In example, kidnappers target
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
due to their inability to
physically
fight for themselves. The presence of an adult will scare perpetrators away
thus
, making sure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will not fall into other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
traps.

Curfews should
be imposed
to the youth
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
this is the age where they are easy to
be influenced
. Time restrictions will not lead them to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
situations. Adolescents, nowadays, listen more to what
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their generation would dictate. To illustrate, drug dealers can deceive adolescents into using illegal drugs
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is being
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
by the crowd. Staying at home and
being accompanied
by an adult would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this from occurring.

Lastly
, limiting the time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
are out during the night will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the community secure. Crimes victimizing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
will lessen in number.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
inside jails will decrease
as well
. Ill-
Possible spelling mistake found.
intentioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will not be able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
for crimes
especially
if they are at home or with an adult companion.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that curfews should
be imposed
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenagers
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keeps
them safe from harmful situations.
Furthermore
, adult supervision is a
After 'must', the verb is used without 'to'. Probably, you should use "must" or "have to" here.
must to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
citizens from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
influences.

IELTS essay In some areas of the US, a ‘curfew’ is imposed, in which teenagers are not allowed to be out of doors after a particular time at night unless they are accompanied by an adult. What is your opinion about this?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
279 words
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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