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In recent years,women's roles have changed dramatically.what changes have occurred?do you think these changes are positive or negative?

In recent years, women's roles have changed dramatically. what changes have occurred? do you think these changes are positive or negative? g5BRA
Nowadays, women have become more important in many ambits such as new jobs opportunities. In this essay, I will further discuss why I think the development of women's role has its benefits and why. Many years ago, women were just the ones who were taken care of the children or do the house's chores. Recently that has dramatically changed in a better and more benefits way. One of the reasons is that in many countries the mentally of people has changed in thinking that women can occupy jobs than in the past just were for men, therefore, this could lead to the xenophobic thought that was in many countries. Another reason is that the jobs opportunities for women have recently increased in many positions, in that could help them to feel more independent and valorized for themselves which that could also show an incrementation of well-being such as higher self-esteem. Research has been done in India shows that many women need to get married even without wanting because their religion does not allow them to work and is just men who can bring the financial economy to the family. However, in many countries how I have said before the mental thinking has not changed, therefore these women ought to fight to get their rights because no one in this life is a slave and everyone should have the power to do with their lives whatever they want and do not be discriminated to be a woman. To sum up, I believe that in recent years the world has changed a lot and hence, the opportunities for a job for women have been increasing and giving them a lot of benefits within.
Nowadays,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have become more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ambits such as new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
opportunities. In this essay, I will
further
discuss why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the development of women's role has its benefits and why.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
years ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
were
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
the ones who
were taken
care of the children or do the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
's chores. Recently that has
dramatically
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in a better and more benefits way. One of the reasons is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries the mentally of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in thinking that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
can occupy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
than in the past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
were for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
,
therefore
, this could lead to the xenophobic
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
that was in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries. Another reason is that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
opportunities for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have recently increased in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positions, in that could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to feel more independent and valorized for themselves which that could
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
an
Possible spelling mistake found.
incrementation
of well-being such as higher self-esteem. Research has
been done
in India
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married even without wanting
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
their religion does not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
them to work and is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
who can bring the financial economy to the family.

However
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
countries how I have said
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the mental thinking has not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
,
therefore
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
ought to fight to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their rights
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
no one in this life is a slave and everyone should have the power to do with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
whatever they want and do not
be discriminated
to be a woman.

To sum up, I believe that in recent years the world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
a lot and
hence
, the opportunities for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
have been increasing and giving them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
benefits within.
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IELTS essay In recent years, women's roles have changed dramatically. what changes have occurred? do you think these changes are positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
281 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
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