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In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest? qV6Pd
Increasing number of crimes is a major concern for youth people. I believe that there are some causes and solutions regarding to this phenomenon. I will discuss problems and solutions in following paragraphs. To commence with, the first reason of rise crimes in cities is the use of drug and alcohol because it is very critical issue and most youngsters also involved in the illegal activities and also committed a dangerous crimes. For instance, In Britain, the numerous people drink alcohol and take drugs they are lose their control and fight outside the pubs and bars. As a result, they become drug addicted and committed crimes like theft and robbery. However, the drug addiction lead to the cause of death. and drug peddlers also involved in such criminal activities and they destroyed the life of the young individuals. On the other hand, There are some issues according to this problem. First of all, government should also improve education system as well as impose penalties and punishments. Whereas, the authority also take strict action on drug peddlers and his unlawful activities. For example, the administration also imposed strict system such as more police force, police patrolling and put CCTV cameras are helpful to reduce crimes in society. Improved education system also learn about the dangers of drug and alcohol. This solutions are very useful for eradicating unofficial activities in cities. To sum up, the use of drugs and alcohol is very harmful for young generation. So the government should take strict action on such crimes. It is very beneficial for the youth as well as our community.
Increasing number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
is a major concern for youth
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes and solutions
The phrase 'regarding to' is not correct. Use "regarding" or "regard to".
regarding to
this phenomenon. I will discuss problems and solutions in following paragraphs.

To commence with, the
first
reason of rise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in cities is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
critical issue and most youngsters
also
involved in the illegal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
and
also
committed a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
dangerous
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "crime"?
crimes
.
For instance
, In Britain, the numerous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
drink
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
and take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
they are
Consider using a past participle here: "lost".
lose
their control and fight outside the pubs and bars.
As a result
, they become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addicted and committed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
like theft and robbery.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
addiction lead to the cause of death.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
peddlers
also
involved in such criminal
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
activities and
they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
destroyed
the life of the young individuals.

On the other hand
, There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
issues according to this problem.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
education system
as well
as impose penalties and punishments. Whereas, the authority
also
take strict action on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
peddlers and his unlawful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
.
For example
, the administration
also
imposed strict system such as more police force, police patrolling and put CCTV cameras are helpful to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
in society.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Improved
education system
also
learn about the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
dangers
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drug
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
.
Did you mean "these"?
This
solutions are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
useful for eradicating unofficial
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
activities
in cities.

To sum up, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
drugs
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alcohol
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
harmful for young generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should take strict action on such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the youth
as well
as our community.
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IELTS essay In recent years, there has been a considerable rise in crimes committed by young people in cities. What has caused this? What solutions can you suggest?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
266 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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