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In recent years, the proportion of the crimes committed by youngsters is on rise.

In recent years, the proportion of the crimes committed by youngsters is on rise. NWPm0
Nobody would dispute the fact that one of the most conspicuous trends in the 21st century is juvenile delinquence due to the loss of family and televised violence. This phenomenon is becoming an alarming rate in this developed world. Therefore, for the purpose of this essay I shall confine the discussion to some causes of this issue and examine several possible solutions that may be implemented to alleviate this problem. There is myriad aspects accountable for this soaring concern. However, the divorce of family and the increase in family violence trends one of the most preponderent one. In fact, parental divorce has a detrimental effect on teenagers and children. Moreover, televised violence such as video games that have violence as the main theme is closely linked to young adults' agressive behavior. In order to resolve this problematic issue, I believe we must first address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective way of doing this would be for the government to allocate importance in order to reduce divorce rate. Furthermore, parents should restrict their children's use of virtual games. In light of above-mentioned facts, one can reach a conclusion that the issue of juvenile crime, endangered by loss of family and televised violence, can be tackled by reduce the divorce rate and restrict the virtual games.
Nobody would dispute the fact that one of the most conspicuous trends in the 21st century is juvenile
Possible spelling mistake found.
delinquence
due to the loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
. This phenomenon is becoming an alarming rate in this developed world.
Therefore
, for the purpose of this essay I shall confine the discussion to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
causes of this issue and examine several possible solutions that may
be implemented
to alleviate this problem.

Did you mean "There are myriad aspects"?
There is myriad aspects
accountable for this soaring concern.
However
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and the increase in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
trends one of the most
Possible spelling mistake found.
preponderent
one. In fact, parental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
has a detrimental effect on
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
and children.
Moreover
, televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
such as video games that have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
as the main theme is
closely
linked to young adults'
Possible spelling mistake found.
agressive
behavior.

In order to resolve this problematic issue, I believe we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
first
address its root causes. Perhaps the most effective way of doing this would be for the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to allocate importance in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
rate.
Furthermore
, parents should restrict their children's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of virtual games.

In light of above-mentioned facts, one can reach a conclusion that the issue of juvenile crime, endangered by loss of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and televised
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
violence
, can
be tackled
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
divorce
rate and restrict the virtual games.
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IELTS essay In recent years, the proportion of the crimes committed by youngsters is on rise.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
216 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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