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In recent years,the family structure has changed,as well as family roles.what are the changes occurring?do you think these changes are positive or negatives?

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. what are the changes occurring? do you think these changes are positive or negatives? KpKN
It is an irrefutable fact that family plays crucial role in society to provide cultural and social values. a short time ago, the family formation and roles has been changing. although everything comes with its own pros and cons; however, I firmly believe that this Change is advantageous for individuals from various perspectives. This essay shed light on results with illustrations brought by it in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, joint families are being converted into nuclear families. in past, women do not have the right of equality; right of education, but now both men and women are complementry and rub shoulders in all walks of life. To epitomize, women in India, who traditionally uneducated and I'llinformed were being exploited socially and moreover, individual are becoming more responsibal, whereas in past all members of family were rely on head of the family, as a result, individuals are facing arduous task in their daily routine and learn how to utilise their academic and traditional values. However, phonomenon of nuclear family have some negative impact on masses. in small families individual don't have time to spend their elders, thus, individuals are unable to create a strong bond between with their senior citizens. Furthermore, in joint families mortals learned historical events which was aid individuals to acquire knowledge about past. Apart from that, generation gap have been burgeoning because in joint families masses had a chance to exchange their thoughts, which assist learned from each other. In conclusion, after doing great deals with thoughts and deliberation it assert that changes in families occurring myriad position result despite few negatives.
It is an irrefutable fact that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
plays crucial role in society to provide cultural and social values.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
a
short time ago, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
formation and roles has been changing.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
although
everything
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
with its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons;
however
, I
firmly
believe that this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Change
is advantageous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
from various perspectives. This essay shed light on results with illustrations brought by it in subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
are
being converted
into nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Did you mean: "in the past"?
in past
, women do not have the right of equality; right of education,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
both
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and women are
Possible spelling mistake found.
complementry
and rub shoulders in all walks of life. To epitomize, women in India, who
traditionally
uneducated and I'
Possible spelling mistake found.
llinformed
were
being exploited
socially
and
moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
are becoming more
Possible spelling mistake found.
responsibal
, whereas in past all members of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
Did you mean "where" or "we"?
were
Consider using a past participle here: "relied".
rely
on head of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
as a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are facing arduous task in their daily routine and learn how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'utilise' is British English.
utilise
their academic and traditional values.
However
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
phonomenon
of nuclear
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on masses.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individual
don't have time to spend their elders,
thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are unable to create a strong bond between with their senior citizens.
Furthermore
, in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
mortals learned historical
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
events
which was aid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to acquire knowledge about past. Apart from that, generation gap have been burgeoning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
in joint
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
masses had a chance to exchange their thoughts, which assist learned from each other.
In conclusion
, after doing great deals with thoughts and deliberation it
Did you mean "asserts"?
assert
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changes
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
occurring myriad position result despite few negatives.
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IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. what are the changes occurring? do you think these changes are positive or negatives?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
266 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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