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In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative? 6eQ3
Society is in constant evolvement, and so are people’s mindsets. In fact, it is not surprising that during the last century the family structure has changed radically. The two main factors of this development are the independency of the women and the social acceptance of gay and lesbian unions. About a hundred years ago the husband was at the top of the family’s hierarchy, holding the role of bread giver. This position made him the most important member of the family, along with being a male, and his opinion could have not been contradicted. Moreover, the wife’s duty regarded only the housekeeping and taking care of the children. However, with the two world words women acquired more and more importance in the society and started to work, becoming financially independent too. This led women to have the same importance as men and, as a consequence, wives became equals to husbands. In more recent years a new issue, for some, or just a change for others happened with gay marriages. Although in some countries it is still not legal to have a same-sex-union, it is a fact that self-proclaimed gay and lesbian couples have exponentially increased. Therefor a family in 2021 would be consisting of either two husbands, two wives or just one husband and one wife. The role of children has changed over the time too. A century ago, kids were expected to do chores and to start working early to help the family. In fact, a family would have multiple children to have more support. Now children are considered the most important people in the family and parents tend to put the kid’s need first. In conclusion, being a 21-year-old women myself, I am glad to have the opportunity to be considered equal to my partner and to see couples of any gender. My only concern regards children, who I think are becoming too spoilt by their own parents.
Society is in constant
Possible spelling mistake found.
evolvement
, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s mindsets. In fact, it is not surprising that during the last century the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
structure has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
radically
.

The two main factors of this development are the
Possible spelling mistake found.
independency
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
and the social acceptance of gay and lesbian unions.

About a hundred years ago the husband was at the top of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family’s
hierarchy, holding the role of bread giver. This position made him the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
member of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, along with being a male, and his opinion could have not
been contradicted
.

Moreover
, the wife’s duty regarded
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the housekeeping and taking care of the children.

However
, with the two world words
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
acquired more and more importance in the society and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to work, becoming
financially
independent too. This led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
women
to have the same importance as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
men
and, as a consequence, wives became equals to husbands.

In more recent years a new issue, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
, or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
for others happened with gay marriages. Although in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
countries it is
still
not legal to have a same-sex-union, it is a fact that self-proclaimed gay and lesbian couples have
exponentially
increased.

Therefor a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
in 2021 would
The verb 'consisting' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
be consisting
of either two husbands, two wives or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
one husband and one wife.

The role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
over the time too. A century ago, kids were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to do chores and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
working early to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
. In fact, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
would have multiple
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to have more support.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Now
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are considered
the most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and parents tend to put the kid’s need
first
.

In conclusion
, being a 21-year-
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "woman"?
women
myself, I am glad to have the opportunity to
be considered
equal to my partner and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
couples of any gender.

My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
concern regards
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, who I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
are becoming too
Possible spelling mistake. 'spoilt' is British English.
spoilt
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
parents.
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IELTS essay In recent years, the family structure has changed, as well as family roles. What are the changes occurring? Do you think these changes are positive or negative?

Essay
  American English
11 paragraphs
320 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
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