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In recent decades, the public have different views about whether choosing a satisfying job or a permanent one to make a living. Although it can be argued that the former can bring certain benefits, I believe that the latter would be better for worker.

In recent decades, the public have different views about whether choosing a satisfying job or a permanent one to make a living. Although it can be argued that the former can bring certain benefits, I believe that the latter would be better for worker. XynMO
In recent decades, the public have different views about whether choosing a satisfying job or a permanent one to make a living. Although it can be argued that the former can bring certain benefits, I believe that the latter would be better for worker. On the one hand, it is argued by some that working with satisfaction is more beneficial than job security. To begin with, the jobs having satisfaction is more productive with individual who has a passion for their work. Besides, both business and employee could gain more profits when their staffs find the joy in work as well as workplace. For instance, many companies have been providing the great treats to their worker by holding the trip on holidays or installing the break area where having the entertainments like swimming, gym. As a result, it is not only relieving staffs stress but also stimulating the work spirit, thereby increasing productivity and making them feel fulfilled. On the other hand, I would side with those who believe that a permanent job will bring more benefits. Firstly, it is evident that the number of graduated students from universities is rising, leading to the increasingly competitive job market in recent years. So, most teenagers desire to have a permanent job with a stable income and they do not want to face unemployment. Further and more importantly, a long-lasting job would offer them an opportunity to climb the ladder career, it means they could get more respect and a higher salary. Thanks to that, those who are breadwinners would be likely to support their families and paying bills monthly. By way of conclusion, while some individuals think job satisfaction is more essential than job security, I completely agree with those who believe that a permanent job is better.
In recent decades, the public have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
views about whether choosing a satisfying
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
or a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
one to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a living. Although it can
be argued
that the former can bring certain benefits, I believe that the latter would be better for worker.

On the one hand, it
is argued
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that working with satisfaction is more beneficial than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
having satisfaction is more productive with individual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
has a passion for their work.
Besides
, both business and employee could gain more profits when their staffs find the joy in work
as well
as workplace.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have been providing the great treats to their worker by holding the trip on holidays or installing the break area where having the entertainments like swimming, gym.
As a result
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
relieving staffs
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stress
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
stimulating the work spirit, thereby increasing productivity and making them feel fulfilled.

On the other hand
, I would side with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
will bring more benefits.
Firstly
, it is evident that the number of graduated students from universities is rising, leading to the
increasingly
competitive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
market in recent years.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
desire to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
with a stable
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
income and
they do not want to face unemployment.
Further
and more
importantly
, a long-lasting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
would offer them an opportunity to climb the ladder career, it means they could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
more respect and a higher salary. Thanks to that, those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are breadwinners would be likely to support their families and paying bills monthly.

By way of conclusion, while
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
satisfaction is more essential than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
security, I completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
permanent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
is better.
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IELTS essay In recent decades, the public have different views about whether choosing a satisfying job or a permanent one to make a living. Although it can be argued that the former can bring certain benefits, I believe that the latter would be better for worker.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
297 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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