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in my countries, the government is spending a large amonut of money improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most sprropriate use of government money?

in my countries, the government is spending a large amonut of money improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most sprropriate use of government money? g80aD
It is undeniable that Intenet has contributed a significant influence for the well-developed in many aspects of human lives. That explains why the government money which has invested in it is increasing. Many agree that improving internet access is the most appropriate use of money for authorities. But there are still other important sectors that require government budgets. On one hand, The Internet plays a vital role in the development of any nation. A reliable and high-speed Internet access helps companies to improve their work productivity, hence, increasing their profits. A company could suffer from the loss of customers due to poor internet connections. In addition, an area with a reliable internet connection would be more attractive to foreign investors. These days, international organizations tend to invest in the areas which provide high-speed business internet connections so that they can easily manage their business online. On the other hand, there are many essential areas that require government fundings. Education and health care are more important than technology because they bring immediate benefits for ordinary people. There are millions of people who do not have the opportunity to access basic education or basic medical services. Therefore, the government should allocate more money to education and health care instead of to the improvement of Internet access. In conclusion, the authorities should invest their money carefully and equally for all sections that need to pay more attention.
It is undeniable that
Possible spelling mistake found.
Intenet
has contributed a significant influence for the well-developed in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
aspects of human
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. That
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explains
why the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
which has invested in it is increasing.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that improving internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
is the most appropriate
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for authorities.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
there are
still
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
sectors that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
budgets. On one hand, The Internet plays a vital role in the development of any nation. A reliable and high-speed Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their work productivity,
hence
, increasing their profits. A
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
could suffer from the loss of customers due to poor internet connections.
In addition
, an area with a reliable internet connection would be more attractive to foreign investors. These days, international organizations tend to invest in the areas which provide high-speed business internet connections
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
easily
manage their business online.
On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
essential areas that require
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
Possible spelling mistake found.
fundings
. Education and health care are more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
than technology
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they bring immediate benefits for ordinary
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. There are millions of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who do not have the opportunity to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
basic education or basic medical services.
Therefore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should allocate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to education and health care
instead
of to the improvement of Internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
.
In conclusion
, the authorities should invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
carefully
and
equally
for all sections that need to pay more attention.
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IELTS essay in my countries, the government is spending a large amonut of money improving internet access. Why is it happening and do you think it is the most sprropriate use of government money?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
234 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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