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In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What is the possible cause of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? v.1

In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What is the possible cause of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 1
In several countries across the world, the death rate has decreased dramatically. This may be due to several reasons and this essay will analyse those and also suggest whether it brings benefit or drawback to the society. First and foremost reason for this scenario is the revolution of healthcare technology. This is because the fatal diseases or disorders which were considered difficult to fight against have become an easier task to tackle these days. Polio is one good example in India which no longer causes death or disorder among people which once was a very devastating disease. Moreover, the technical advancements are also facilitating complicated cardiac surgeries, organ transplantation and 3D printed organ replacement. So these illustrations are proving the worthy role of technology in enriching and enhancing of people’s life. While the lifespan of individuals’ increases, it would obviously benefit in several ways both to individual and society. As far as a single person is concerned, if he lives longer then it is certain that he would complete all his responsibilities in a proper way and lead a happy and contented life with his or family. Looking onto the other side, the benefits outnumber the disadvantages here as well. Due to the contribution of persons like scientists, politicians and other leaders to the nation for a longer duration, the development of the nation is a reachable goal. By and large, the people are having healthy and longer life because of the intervention of technology in the healthcare sector. This has been proven as a positive impact on both individuals and a larger community and thus can be taken as a sign of betterment.
In several countries across the world, the death rate has decreased
dramatically
. This may be due to several reasons and this essay will
Possible spelling mistake. 'analyse' is British English.
analyse
those and
also
suggest whether it brings benefit or drawback to the society.

First
and foremost reason for this scenario is the revolution of healthcare technology. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the fatal diseases or disorders which
were considered
difficult to fight against have become an easier task to tackle these days. Polio is one
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
example in India which no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
causes death or disorder among
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which once was a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
devastating disease.
Moreover
, the technical advancements are
also
facilitating complicated cardiac surgeries, organ transplantation and 3D printed organ replacement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
these illustrations are proving the worthy role of technology in enriching and enhancing of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
’s life.

While the lifespan of individuals’ increases, it would
obviously
benefit in several ways both to individual and society. As far as a single person
is concerned
, if he
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
then it is certain that he would complete all his responsibilities
Consider replacing "in a proper way" with the adverb for "proper"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a proper way
and lead a happy and contented life with his or family. Looking onto the other side, the benefits outnumber the disadvantages here
as well
. Due to the contribution of persons like scientists, politicians and other leaders to the nation for a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
duration, the development of the nation is a reachable goal.

By and large, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are having healthy and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
longer
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the intervention of technology in the healthcare sector. This has
been proven
as a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on both individuals and a larger community and
thus
can
be taken
as a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sign
of betterment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
4Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes

IELTS essay In most parts of the world, people are living longer. What is the possible cause of this situation? Is this a negative or positive development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
274 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 6.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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