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In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home? 8Rbr
Spending more time with friends rather than family has become common in young adults nowadays. This essay will explain the the reasons, why this has happened, which is mainly working parents and more independence given to children than before and the reasons why parents must not force their children to stay at home. The main reasons for the change are that both the parents are working in the current times and children thus become independent and find company outside their home. In old times, parents made a constant effort to stay along with their kids and spend time with them but now in the modern times, with the increased cost of living, both the parents have to work hard to survive in the competitive world. For instance in the recent survey, by the Art Of Living, 50% of parents admitted that they spend less than two hours with their children everyday because of the busy work schedule. Furthermore, this has led children to be more independent than before and thus they spend most of the time with their friends to avoid isolation and loneliness. They find a new family with friends and engage in activities with them. Children must not be forced by parents to stay at home. This will not only make them think that somebody is encroaching their independence, but also make them rebellious. Rather, parents must try to engage with their children by planning trips and doing fun family activities together. In this way, they can spend more time with their children and also not make them think that they are being forced. For example, in a survey done by the Times Of India in 2018, the stats demonstrated that those parents who make constant efforts to go on trips and engage in fun activities along with their children have closer relationships with them in comparison to others. In conclusion, busy parents and independent children are the main reasons that young adults spend less time with their families nowadays. However, forcing them to stay at home will only make them more rebellious, therefore it is better that parents find ideas and ways to spend quality time with their children.
Spending more
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time
with friends
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
has become common in young adults nowadays. This essay will
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explain
Maybe you need to remove one determiner so that only "the" or "the" is left.
the the
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reasons
, why this has happened, which is
mainly
working
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parents
and more independence
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to
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children
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and the
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reasons
why
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parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
not force their
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children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home.

The main
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reasons
for the
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change
are that both the
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parents
are working in the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
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times
and
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children
thus
become independent and find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
outside their home. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
,
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parents
made a constant effort to
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stay
along with their kids and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with them
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
in the modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
times
, with the increased cost of living, both the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to survive in the competitive world.
For instance
in the recent survey, by the Art Of Living, 50% of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
admitted that they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less than two hours with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
'Everyday' is an adjective. Did you mean "every day"?
everyday
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the busy work schedule.
Furthermore
, this has led
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to be more independent than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
and
thus
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their friends to avoid isolation and loneliness. They find a new
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
with friends and engage in activities with them.

Children
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must
not
be forced
by
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parents
to
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stay
at home. This will not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
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make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that somebody is encroaching their independence,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
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make
them rebellious.
Rather
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
try to engage with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
by planning trips and doing fun
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
activities together. In this way, they can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and
also
not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that they are
being forced
.
For example
, in a survey done by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Times
Of India in 2018, the stats demonstrated that those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
constant efforts to go on trips and engage in fun activities along with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
have closer relationships with them
in comparison
to others.

In conclusion
, busy
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parents
and independent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are the main
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reasons
that young adults
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
nowadays.
However
, forcing them to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stay
at home will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
them more rebellious,
therefore
it is better that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
find
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
and ways to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spend
quality
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
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IELTS essay In modern times, young adults are spending less time with their families and more time with their friends. Why has this change occurred? Do you think parents should force their children to spend more time at home?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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