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In modern society, there is an increasing number of people who migrate to foreign countries because of their work purpose.

In modern society, there is an increasing number of people who migrate to foreign countries because of their work purpose. R0ReQ
In modern society, there is an increasing number of people who migrate to foreign countries because of their work purpose. Simultaneously, they have the tendency to move their family to live together there. While there are several negative factors of traveling together, as far as I am concerned, taking their family to another country to live is more beneficial than drawbacks. On the one hand, some people would argue that migrating abroad for work leads to some negative influences on family individuals for some reasons. To begin with, many families living in foreign countries can face multiple risks from economic problems without having help from others. As a consequence, the financial burden results in many conflicts and arguments among family families. Furthermore, deciding to work and live abroad might have to deal with a culture shock for families. They will have a sense of isolation when they adhere to strange customs which might not be fit with them. On the other hand, I consider that there are multiple compelling reasons why moving overseas to live with their family brings a wide range of advantages. One of the major reasons is that they have more life changing opportunities. In other words, in developing countries, many people believe that they have a wide array of chances to find well-paid jobs when settling in developed countries. By this way, their families’ standard of living and economic conditions will improve and they can enjoy whatever they want. Another reason is that working overseas will broaden and enhance the life experiences as well as knowledge of their family members. This is because they can make the most of new environments to learn about history, cultures and learn new languages in the host country. To summarize, moving loved ones to another nation has both positive and detrimental aspects, but I suppose the advantages outweigh the downsides as long as we learn to accept and adapt to the new culture and surroundings.
In modern society, there is an increasing number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who migrate to foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their work purpose.
Simultaneously
, they have the tendency to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
together there. While there are several
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
factors of traveling together, as far as I
am concerned
, taking their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
to another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
is more beneficial than drawbacks.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would argue that migrating abroad for work leads to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
individuals for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
living in foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
can face multiple
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
from economic problems without having
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from others. As a consequence, the financial burden results in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
conflicts and arguments among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
.
Furthermore
, deciding to work and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
abroad might
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
deal with a culture shock for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
. They will have a sense of isolation when they adhere to strange customs which might not
be fit
with them.

On the other hand
, I consider that there are multiple compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why moving overseas to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
brings a wide range of advantages. One of the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that they have more life changing opportunities.
In other words
, in developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe that they have a wide array of chances to find well-paid jobs when settling in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. By this way, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families’
standard of living and economic conditions will
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
improve and
they can enjoy whatever they want. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is that working overseas will broaden and enhance the life experiences
as well
as knowledge of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
the most of new environments to learn about history, cultures and learn new languages in the host country.

To summarize
, moving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones to another nation has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and detrimental aspects,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I suppose the advantages outweigh the downsides as long as we learn to accept and adapt to the new culture and surroundings.
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IELTS essay In modern society, there is an increasing number of people who migrate to foreign countries because of their work purpose.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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