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In modern society, thanks to the significant development of technology, teenagers have an opportunity to access equipment early all over the place.

In modern society, thanks to the significant development of technology, teenagers have an opportunity to access equipment early all over the place. G39O2
In modern society, thanks to the significant development of technology, teenagers have an opportunity to access equipment early all over the place. While some people claim that violence in the media is the major reason for rising the number of juvenile crimes, I would argue that this aspect of the media somehow contributes to the problem, there are also other factors that should be taken into account. On the one hand, there are multiple compelling reasons why youth adults are highly influenced by the media. One of the main reasons is that young people are easily attracted by a wide range of films or unhealthy channels. To be more specific, youth adults have the tendency to imitate behavior or action they consider it makes them cool through carrying weapons to tackle conflict problems. As a consequence, in the long run, these acts as a contributor to mental health impairment leading to the crime commission. Another reason is youngsters who watch television get desensitized to violence and start to consider it as a normal part of life. As a result, vulnerable young people who have been victimized may be tempted to commit crimes as a way of dealing with their troubles. On the other hand, I believe that there are also several other plausible causes which lead to committing crimes of young adults. To begin with, young people suffer from a severe lack of parental care and supervision. In other words, when parents do not meet or refuse to satisfy their children's financial expectations, the children may respond negatively by taking part in unlawful acts such as shoplifting or theft. As a result, in the longer - term, this behavior may lead to more serious crimes such as drug trafficking, abduction, or murder. Furthermore, young adults are heavily affected by their friends. This means that friends are considered a tight link, they always love and support to overcome the difficulties. For example, as an individual is bullied by others, this person's friends are ready to take revenge by using violent actions or engaging in criminal activities. In conclusion, there are a wide array of causes related to committing an offense. In addition, teenagers should be aware of the consequences of breaking the laws by restricting entry to violent movies and providing the necessary support from parents, and people surrounding them to a greater extent.
In modern society, thanks to the significant development of technology,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
have an opportunity to access equipment early all over the place. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
claim that violence in the media is the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
for rising the number of juvenile
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
, I would argue that this aspect of the media somehow contributes to the problem, there are
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
factors that should
be taken
into account.

On the one hand, there are multiple compelling
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
why youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
highly
influenced by the media. One of the main
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are
easily
attracted by a wide range of films or unhealthy channels. To be more specific, youth
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
have the tendency to imitate behavior or action they consider it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them cool through carrying weapons to tackle conflict problems. As a consequence, in the long run, these acts as a contributor to mental health impairment leading to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crime
commission. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is youngsters who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
watch
television
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
desensitized to violence and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to consider it as a normal part of life.
As a result
, vulnerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who have
been victimized
may
be tempted
to commit
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
as a way of dealing with their troubles.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, I believe that there are
also
several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
plausible causes which lead to committing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
. To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
suffer from a severe lack of parental care and supervision. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, when parents do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
or refuse to satisfy their children's financial expectations, the children may respond
negatively
by taking part in unlawful acts such as shoplifting or theft.
As a result
, in the longer
Consider using an m-dash if you do not want to join two words.
-
term, this behavior may lead to more serious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
crimes
such as drug trafficking, abduction, or murder.
Furthermore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
adults
are
heavily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their friends. This means that friends
are considered
a tight link, they always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and support to overcome the difficulties.
For example
, as an individual
is bullied
by others, this person's friends are ready to take revenge by using violent actions or engaging in criminal activities.

In conclusion
, there are a wide
Possible agreement error. Did you mean "arrays"?
array
of causes related to committing an offense.
In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
should be aware of the consequences of breaking the laws by restricting entry to violent movies and providing the necessary support from parents, and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
surrounding them to a greater extent.

IELTS essay In modern society, thanks to the significant development of technology, teenagers have an opportunity to access equipment early all over the place.

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
393 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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