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In many societies, fashion is becoming more and more important in people’s choice of clothes. Why is that? Is this a positive or negative development?

In many societies, fashion is becoming more and more important in people’s choice of clothes. Why is that? Is this a positive or negative development? R2Aqo
In many societies, the role of fashion is becoming more and more dominant in people’s choice of clothes. From my point of view, the reason for that is due to the societies’ development, and the negative effects seem to outweigh the positive ones. A modern society comes along with a developed economy, where the citizens’ incomes are creasing day by day and more wealthy people appear in different ages, so they gradually increase their living standard as well as change their attention to another priority aspect: fashion. For example, in the past when people did not make much money as at present, the only people’s concern was the matter of working to get enough warm clothes to live through winters, regardless of aesthetic elements. As humans now are living in a modern society, the issue of owning clothes develops into owning fancy clothes. People start to care and consume more brand-name clothes, even luxury brands such as Gucci, Balenciaga or Dior and accessories to mix and match. Developing rapidly, the discussed phenomenon causes predictable negative effects that outweigh the positive ones. When people care more about appearances, they tend to judge others by their looks, which makes them ignore a person’s actual inner value and therefore, a judgemental society is gradually formed. People seem to always be in an underground competition when they have to put too much effort in choosing either their casual or formal outfits to look fabulous and fashionable at every moment. Moreover, paying too much attention to clothes creates lavish habits. If people just buy clothes based on the outer look but not on the quality, they will easily buy more than their actual needs, which leads to a waste of money and results in a throw-away society. In conclusion, along with the growth of the economy, the increase in the essentials of fashion is undeniable. Thus, those consequences caused by this phenomenon like forgetting a person’s actual value or creating extravagant spending habits really need to be controlled.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, the role of fashion is becoming more and more dominant in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
choice of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
. From my point of view, the reason for
that is
due to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies’
development, and the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects seem to outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones.

A modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
along with a developed economy, where the citizens’ incomes are creasing day by day and more wealthy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
appear in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ages,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they
gradually
increase their living standard
as well
as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
their attention to another priority aspect: fashion.
For example
, in the past when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
did not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
much money as at present, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
concern was the matter of working to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
warm
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
through winters, regardless of aesthetic elements. As humans
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are living in a modern
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, the issue of owning
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
develops into owning fancy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to care and consume more brand-name
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
, even luxury brands such as Gucci,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Balenciaga
or Dior and accessories to mix and match.

Developing
rapidly
, the discussed phenomenon causes predictable
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects that outweigh the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
ones. When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
care more about appearances, they tend to judge others by their looks, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignore
a person’s actual inner value and
therefore
, a
Possible spelling mistake. 'judgemental' is British English.
judgemental
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
is
gradually
formed.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
seem to always be in an underground competition when they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
put too much effort in choosing either their casual or formal outfits to look fabulous and fashionable at every moment.
Moreover
, paying too much attention to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
creates lavish habits. If
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
clothes
based on the outer look
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not on the quality, they will
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
more than their actual needs, which leads to a waste of money and results in a throw-away society.

In conclusion
, along with the growth of the economy, the increase in the essentials of fashion is undeniable.
Thus
, those consequences caused by this phenomenon like forgetting a person’s actual value or creating extravagant spending habits
really
need to
be controlled
.
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IELTS essay In many societies, fashion is becoming more and more important in people’s choice of clothes. Why is that? Is this a positive or negative development?

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
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    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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