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In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

In many communities senior people are often being neglected by families due to their busy scheduled and having no work life balance. Aged family members are compelled to choose to live in retirement homes. Over the years technology has advanced in various domains from farming to spaceships. Humans have been yielding to it, and the consequence is a huge intervention to human connections especially with older family members in their 80's, 90's and 70's. Seniors of the family always thrive quality time from their family members, to support them in their old age is the responsibility that has to be taken by each one of them. For instance, helping in them in their daily errands like financial bills, groceries, doctor appointments and any other cooking help will make them happy and content. Interacting and spending time with aged people would change the perspective of life, gives immense positive energy and enthusiasm. They fill the gaps between generations giving life to fading traditions, rituals and authentic values. For example, in India grandparents are treated like the bridge between generations because of the traditions and values they share with next generation. Moreover, there is so much to learn from the older generation like the bonafide food recipes that have been forgotten by today's world. Beside all these they have seen decades of life and worked hard for the family upbringing and more important are the sacrifices they have made for the family. In conclusion, I would totally agree that its very unseemly to allow aged family members to live in senior homes. It's that age to treat them like childre, in other words give them a little qaulity time, attention love and care, that is all they expect.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
communities senior
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
being neglected
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
due to their busy scheduled and having no work
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
balance. Aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
are compelled
to choose to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in retirement homes. Over the
An apostrophe may be missing.
years
technology has advanced in various domains from farming to spaceships. Humans have been yielding to it, and the consequence is a huge intervention to human connections
especially
with older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
in their
Apostrophes aren’t needed for decades: “80s”.
80's
,
Apostrophes aren’t needed for decades: “90s”.
90's
and
Apostrophes aren’t needed for decades: “70s”.
70's
. Seniors of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
always thrive quality time from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
, to support them in their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age is the responsibility that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
be taken
by each one of them.
For instance
, helping in them in their daily errands like financial bills, groceries, doctor appointments and any other cooking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them happy and content. Interacting and spending time with aged
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the perspective of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, gives immense
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
energy and enthusiasm. They fill the gaps between generations giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
to fading traditions, rituals and authentic values.
For example
, in India grandparents
are treated
like the bridge between generations
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the traditions and values they share with
next
generation.
Moreover
, there is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much to learn from the older generation like the
Possible spelling mistake found.
bonafide
food recipes that have
been forgotten
by
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's world. Beside all these they have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
decades of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and worked
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
upbringing and more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
are the sacrifices they have made for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
.
In conclusion
, I would
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that its
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
unseemly
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allow
aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
members
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in senior homes. It's that age to treat them like
Possible spelling mistake found.
childre
,
in other words
give them a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
Possible spelling mistake found.
qaulity
time, attention
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
and care,
that is
all they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
.
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IELTS essay In many societies, elderly people often live in retirement homes. This is not appropriate because families should always care for their aging members. Do you agree?

Essay
  American English
1 paragraphs
286 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
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